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| Sat, 07-17-2010 - 2:16pm |
Last night was hard. Fridays stink. I'm usually alone - my kids go to their dad's every Friday. I only have a few women I call friends, and they are married - we get together for dinner or wine sometimes. In the past, XAP would come to my office after work for about an hour or so. Then I would come home to my empty house and he would go home to his W.
Last night I went shopping all by myself for a dress to wear to a wedding I have to go to next weekend (also will be XAP's birthday). It was an incredibly lonely experience. The dress I found is adorable and the sales lady did a bang up job earning her commission telling me how rockin' I look in it. I was sad because XAP and I talked months and months ago about being able to attend the wedding together. He won't see my dress, he won't be there. By the time I got home I was in full pity-party mode. I went to bed at 9:00 feeling very sorry for myself.
This morning I forced myself to go to yoga. It was almost like the final message from the yogi was directed at me:
"Be truly whole and all will be returned to you"
I thought it was a great quote and I wanted to share it with everyone. I've been repeating it over and over. My lonely night last night was no different than it would have been with XAP still in my life. But what IS different is that the lonely Friday nights are now numbered. They won't last forever anymore because I will meet someone who is available and will want to actually take me out to dinner, not just screw me on the floor and go home to wifey.
Another feeling of light was the fact that I could just go to yoga. Period. I didn't have to "report" back who I talked to, how many men were there, etc. Insanity, I know.
I still feel incredibly lonely and scared. But I want to be whole, and I want to be happy again.
Bodhi

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My hope for you is to encourage you on the day of the wedding to celebrate you.
Dee :)
<<<>>>
I don't even know where to start. Have things changed since the early 80s? Do I put on my rockin' Knots Landing, acetate, bat wing, Linda Evan's shoulder padded, aqua-colored suit and dance to Billie Jean???
Bodhi
New Season -
I was just joking around and now I'm crying - happy tears. I'm going to print this and read it Saturday morning and bring it with me. You are so right - I need to keep it about my healing. And keep it positive. I miss my smile :) Thank you so much.
Bodhi
Bodhi,
I divorced after 12 years of a relationship with a man I met when I was 18 (1985) so I know what it's like to get back out there! And, yes! Linda Evans shoulder pads work as long as you do it with _attitude_!
ha.
xo
Dee
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