Wanted to share.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wanted to share.
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:07am
Several of you are familiar with my situation. And today I feel the need to share. As I began my day today, I was sitting having some coffee and was watching a little of Good Morning America. There was a segment on Carol Channing and her new husband. They are both in their 80's and as it turns out, he was her first love at the ripe old age of 13 and 14. As the story unfolded, I felt a lump in my throat and the tears begin to roll down my face. It was just a moment that I allowed myself to feel the pain of missing the MM, as he was also my first love. But it reconfirmed to me that everything we experience in life happens for a reason and no matter what the outcome, something wonderful can happen as a result. Seeing that story today reconfirmed my faith that what I had experienced happened because it was supposed to, if for no other reason than to validate the feelings we shared when we were too young to know what it all meant.

I read all the really sad endings of some of these affairs and thank God that never happened to us. It was never about us not loving each other, but accepting that the priority was to do what we knew in our hearts was right. So although I had experienced a bit of pain by watching that this morning, I also know that both the MM and I have come away from our situation with some integrity.

I pray for each and everyone of you ladies every night that your eyes will be opened to the truth in your situations. Affairs must end and we must face the life we are all blessed with. If it is a bad situation outside of the affair, that must be dealt with as well. But not one of us can predict what will happen in the future, just like Carol Channing couldn't. Both she and her new H had been married before, but I heard her say it felt as though this was in fact her first real marriage because her first one was LOVELESS. So to all, I say not to give up hope for yourself and your life, and if you can all just strive to do what you know in your heart is right, then the rest will fall into place.



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Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:19am
Thank you for sharing GT. I read that story and I hope that this marriage is happy for the both of them. It is amazing what life brings isn't it? I hope you are doing well and that you are finding peace and happiness in your life!!

Have a wonderful week,


Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:31am
Beautiful post GT... sounds like the tears were necessary... I know that when we hear something that truly touches us, like the story of a first-love rediscovered, sometimes it's a GOOD thing to just let go and allow ourselves to feel for a little while...

Hugs to you


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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:36am

Your story always reminded me of this poem -

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Hugs I know how you feel !! I have my I MISS HIM days quite often lately -waaaaaahh!!


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Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 11:02am
That was a beautiful post, RACY. Now, you have me crying, dear.
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 11:26am
Thankyou for sharing your thoughts & your prayers GT :)
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Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 2:27pm
You and I have talked about this so much. So, I'm not going to make it long. You already know what I think and I just wanted to tell you I said ouch and then I smiled (Ebtisama habibi!) Sorry, don't know the arabic word for ouch! Not yet anyway! I will find out though! And by the way, the moon looked full here last night too! I was going by the calendar. Ouch again! It means the lunacy began while I wasn't looking! Hugs and LOVE TO YOU Malikati!
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Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:23am
So often as I read your posts, I am amazed at the beauty you leave behind you. What a gentle spirit you are, full of faith and forgiveness. You said that "everything we experience in life happens for a reason and no matter what the outcome, something wonderful can happen as a result." I think that you are that something wonderful. You set an amazing, Christ-like example of how to handle such a delicate situation with grace. Ahh, GT, you are the apple of His eye!

You know what I find difficult? People have the general feeling that beacuse I am a Christian, my life should be peachy keen, I should be perfect, and I would never mix myself up into a situation like this. I made the mistake of telling my very best girlfriend about my A. She was starting to worry about me, like how could a saved person do what I did? She even went out and bought this book called, "When Godly People Do UnGodly Things", LOL!! I know it doesn't matter what she thinks, I remember very clearly the night I gave my heart to the Lord some 15 or so years ago. But still, it hurts. She is a baby Chrristian, thus her realtionship is not "seasoned", so that could be part of it. It's also that her and her hubby and me and my hubby are all close friends. She was heartbroken for my DH as well as what I had done. If I could go back, I would never have told her, but it's too late. I have since distanced myself from her, adding to the grief I already feel. I can't even tell my own sister, she tends to be self-righteous, too. It's not that I want to tell the whole world, obviously, because I feel bad about what I have done. But, before I found this message board, I needed support and encouragement, and it was not found in those around me. I did find some immediate peace when I prayed for forgiveness... that was a load off, but I needed someone who loved me to hold me, and physically there was no one.

My A started online, became an emotional affair after 3 months, then a physical one 6 months later, while my H was out of town. We had 2 days together, and that was it. I walked out of it in a million pieces, shocked, and scared, with physically no choice but to admit it to my H. I know for many that is a choice; it was not an option for me, I can't explain it, I just knew it wasn't. Day after XOM got home, I told him I was going to admit it to my H and I couldn't tell him what to do, but just that for me it was the only thing to do. He felt that if I was going to admit it, then he would have to, because my H would make sure his W knew (which turned out to be true, he said he would have). Whatever his reason, I know that like you, I was able to walk away with some integrity. Now, as you said, it's just a matter of eveything falling into place. Ughh, that takes SOOO much PATIENCE! :O

One thing particular that you wrote really struck me:"Affairs must end and we must face the life we are all blessed with." That really hits home for me, because there are times when I am tempted to turn my back, even for a moment, and go back to XOM. It MUST end!! Not maybe, not possibly, it MUST! How true!! One way or another, it has to... I see that. In the A, I was turning my back on my marriage, now I am ready to face it. It hurts, but I am doing it. Know what I see? All I am blessed with!! :) It's funny how I thought the blinders I put on were more beautiful than facing reality. I was soooo wrong!

I think I'll go out and buy a book titled, "Best Friends Gone Self-Righteous"... what do you think? LOL! Thanks again for what you shared, sorry about the novel I just wrote ya in this post, (tee hee)!!

((((BIG HUGS)))) ~Mel

Avatar for guardedticker
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:49am
Hi Mel ~ that was a lovely post and I have to commend you on making the decision to come clean with your DH. It takes a lot of courage to do that knowing what could happen as a result. But what I am reminded of is how being in a Christian marriage, you had to have confidence that many would not. Your DH had the right to end your marriage with you presenting that information to him, but knowing his heart as you do, I think you believed that he would want what was best for the two of you and your marriage, just like you did by coming clean. Pride is a huge thing. Overcoming it was such a blessing for you.

I simply cannot imagine how you feel with the potential to lose your friendship with this gal you speak of and her DH, but it can be a price paid in the long run. You just need to remember that it isn't up to them to forgive you or to understand, but to be supportive and loving in order to help you through this. Would Christ turn his back on you? Considering how you have handled the entire ending of your A, I am surprised this friend is continuing with the "UNGODLY" discussions. Once you asked for forgiveness, you were. So there is no need for a friend to constantly remind you of what you've done wrong. I truly believe that in God's eyes, His main concern from this point on is your marriage and that you never do this to yourself again. Perhaps you should have a discussion with your friend that she really needs to pray about putting this all behind the two of you and if she simply can't do that, then you need to check her heart.

Your post reminded me of the words Jesus spoke to the woman at the well. He acknowledged all of her marriages even though she was currently living with someone who she wasn't married to. But think about that for a moment. He acknowledged all of her marriages, not just the first one...so obviously in His eyes, each of her marriages had been blessed by him. I believe in a forgiving God, not one who condemns people. So anyone who wants to be my friend needs to believe in and have that same forgiving spirit. If you ultimatly find that your friend doesn't have that, then I believe God will bring you an even better friend very soon because you are doing your best to be back in His will for your life.

I hope you and your DH are doing well and that he realizes that this sort of thing doesn't happen to those whose marriage relationship is where it should be. It is easy to get caught up with the hustle and bustle of life and forget how important it is to nourish the relationship the two of you began when you got married. It takes work, but it can be done.

Hugs to you.


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Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 10:34am
Thankyou, GT, I think I'll follow that advice of having a talk with her to see if we can just put it behind us. I am mostly just thankful that God IS forgiving and merciful when no one else can be... His protection on me has happened in so many specific ways since the A ended, showing me that He not only forgives me, but that if I continue to trust Him, He will guard our marriage against further attack.

There's still a lot of issues to be worked out in our marriage, and patience is key to all of that, (I'm no good with patience... Are we there yet? Huh? Huh? How about now? Are we there yet?) LOL ;) But we're taking little baby steps, and I picture the Lord holding one hand and my DH holding the other. That helps =)

Hope you're having a good morning ;) (((Hugs))) Love, Mel

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 7:17pm
Oh Racy, I loved the poem. So thought provoking and true. GT's post was a pleasant read too.