Wanting what we can't have
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| Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:25pm |
My last bf, who at least was not married, but still was not a nice guy, was so hard to leave. I ended up moving 2000 miles away pretty much because of him. there were other factors, but he was the biggest one. he still calls me and wants to get back together, but I have no desire at all. I mean, looking back now, I have NO idea why I loved this guy so much. It's so weird what we decide to cling to. Do you think it really is the two year old inside of us just wanting what we can't have?
I mean, the inner child thing is so cliche, but I do feel like I ignore that part of me. I try to suppress those feelings because, well, they are so immature. It would be better if I could love that part of myself, be nurturing but be firm and say, "No, get over it, you can't have that."
Parenting yourself is no fun. But if I don't do it and I expect someone else to do it for me, my life is complete chaos. And I am the one that ends up suffering the most. This is just me trying to take a little responsibility for my part in all this mess. I know I will go back to being angry at XMM in about two minutes but this is something I hope to explore later when my head stops spinning so much. Maybe if someone would just smack me upside the head with that bone I am gnawing on. ;)
XO,
Real
