a warning about making contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
a warning about making contact
9
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 9:36am
So it had been 7 months since xap and I were intimate and 4 months since having a non physical catch up lunch, which by the way tore me up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 10:36am

Acting,
Boy. well. I think that you need to fess up. You were chasing that moment and you knew, deep down inside, that you would end up where you did. Every step of the way, from reading his email, breaking no contact, the date, the alcohol.... you were playing with fire, intentionally. You just thought you could control your feelings better, but you knew he was still into the A and you wanted to bask in it for a lil' bit. Am I completely off the mark?

forgive me for being so blunt; I've not had my coffee or my paxil yet this morning!

Thanks for posting your story. There have been a lot of us online the last few days who are in the "omg, I'm still missing him/the fix stage and this serves as a good warning.

Better healing going forward!
hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 11:27am

<<>>


dee, wow girl that's spot on. I remember that feeling oh so well. I wasn't breaking NC, but breaking the progress I was making by weaning off him.


It's a game with not only xAP, but ourselves when we act on our suppressed desires. I played this game and never even realized I was playing it! Maybe we should call this game " Going Junkin", cause that's what we are looking for - the junk feelings that feel so good for about 10 minutes, then

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 3:11pm

Dee,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 4:25pm

Any suggestions for this lack of self esteem would be useful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2009
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 5:32pm

Any suggestions for this lack of self esteem would be useful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 01-17-2010 - 6:15pm
I bumped up the "Abbreviation List" thread in the Healing Library for you :)

Chocolate Valentine


"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 01-18-2010 - 7:14am

((Kilowatt))


I can already see that you are going to be a great asset to this board. Hope you don't mind but I am putting this post in the HL under "Wisdom and Insights -part 11." You offered excellent advice, and something I can relate to myself with

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Mon, 01-18-2010 - 9:15am

I find this interesting.YOU have abandonment issues from your father and want to take them out on your AP! Take responsibility of your issues and deal with them rather than making him the scapegoat.

(I am not taking into consideration how the affair was ,how he treated you,made false promises etc.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2010
Mon, 01-18-2010 - 2:09pm

No problem. I am more than happy to help. I think the key to healing is recognizing our own issues and how they contribute to the circumstances we find ourselves in.

Life is a journey. ya know?