Was it a love affair?
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Was it a love affair?
| Thu, 06-24-2010 - 8:15am |
I am feeling rather fortunate--and sometimes even a little guilty--that my A was LD and it was not a "love" affair. Sure we were fond of one another, but we never professed anything more than that to each other. It was escape, it was excitement, it was sex, it was a power game--and yes, it was fun. I knew from the beginning that there was absolutely no where for this A to go, yet I indulged anyway. Foolish, selfish girl. My hurt is genuine, but it

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That is a tough way to feel, AAI...as in Bridges
Bridges Over Madison County is exactly how I would describe my situation. I don't feel like I settled. If I didn't have my husband, I would imagine it would feel like one of my limbs was missing. I don't want to hurt him or my children. I have to look at the big picture and that picture HAS to have my whole family in it. With xap the picture would look different. I care for xap deeply. That is how I know that it wasn't just lust and fantasy. I want him to find someone to care for him and love him the way he deserves to be loved. (He is single). I want him to be happy. I don't think I will ever get over him. But the pain is subsiding. I know this to be true because I can feel that I am "present" in my life now. Life is so complicated. I guess we won't really know the "why's" until we meet our Maker.
My head hurts too at times Alwayst, but my heart is healing, it just takes time.
xo,
AAI
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