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| Wed, 07-21-2010 - 3:01pm |
Iddy pointed to a link re: Hysterical Bonding that led me to the Betrayed Wives Club blog. I read that for two days straight. I wouldn't suggest it for the tenderfeet out there, but it was good for me (I think, sorta, maybe) because I read some posts by the blogger that really made me examine my suppressed feelings of guilt and reconfront some accountability issues. It's been a LONG time since I cried over this A, but the other day when I read the blogger's feelings about having to live in the house where trysts took place, especially that her H and his X had tainted her laundry room, I looooosssst it. Reading that made me feel so selfish and small, that all I've been whining about over these past months has been ME-centered. So, anyway, I finally got a chance to breath here at work - and my mind got pulled to a 'dark' place where I was feeling sad, and it's like this Anjelica Huston-ish voice just flooded in my head and said, "Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me with this bullsh*t." I guess my meds have completely worn off, but I don't mind; as long as the voices in my head are as sensible as Anjie. I suppose the crazy is just a way of telling myself that enough is enough.
Ironically, this entire post is nothing but me, me, me, me -- and I don't even know what my point is... ha!....but, I'm still throwing it out there.
Dee-lusional

I hear you, girl. I too have stumbled upon some betrayed spouse blogs and the pain they express really hits home- my H has been so considerate of me. Though we talk about the A, he does his best to support me- crazy, right? I am the one who destroyed all trust. I am the one who inflicted so much pain on him, yet here he is to hold me up when I am feeling down. I think what helped me most through this journey is realizing just how selfish I was. I hurt the one person who has always been there for me and it was all for nothing. Xap is nothing. H is everything.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Dee, I soooo get this.
I had a "snap out of it" moment this week. I was listening to some talk radio on my daily commute and they were discussing how ending a relationship and the heartbreak has the same withdrawal symptoms as a drug addict would. Like, duh!
Anyway, they were asking people to