We say it is over . . .?
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We say it is over . . .?
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 3:23pm |
This is my first post here. I've been on the Affair support page.
However, MM and I decided that we should be ending this for a number of reasons.
H and MM are friends, MMW and I are friends. We don't really want to hurt them. MM say sneaking around is too much for him. I do admit it is unbelievely stressful. Always worrying.
But the messed up part of it all is I really don't want it to end. Not yet. I guess i'm looking for closure. That "one last time". (note: our A was strictly sexual.) And part of me thinks that no matter what he says during the week there is still an opportunity to press this. But I don't want to be the one to press it. Does that make any sense?
However, MM and I decided that we should be ending this for a number of reasons.
H and MM are friends, MMW and I are friends. We don't really want to hurt them. MM say sneaking around is too much for him. I do admit it is unbelievely stressful. Always worrying.
But the messed up part of it all is I really don't want it to end. Not yet. I guess i'm looking for closure. That "one last time". (note: our A was strictly sexual.) And part of me thinks that no matter what he says during the week there is still an opportunity to press this. But I don't want to be the one to press it. Does that make any sense?
I know its wrong, nothing about A are right. I just can't seem to put it behind me. I still want him and can only hope that he still wants me.
I know that in time I'll get over it. What a disaster.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm confused. You say it was strictly sexual yet only a few days ago you had full IC. I am copying a line from your post on the "affair" board where you admitted IC was somewhat disappointing and just like having it with H. You wrote:
<<<>>>
So, are you saying you are risking your marriage, his marriage, your friendships, etc. just for fooling around up until a few days ago, and now you don't want to end it even though the sex wasn't phenomenal? Hmmmm....You know, if were smart, you would run away as fast as you can RIGHT NOW and be grateful that NO ONE has discovered this yet. Also, someone MAY already be suspicious and hasn't confronted you yet.
You know you need to do this.(END IT) I understand how difficult it is when someone is validating you sexually and emotionally, but this is your H's job. You need to tell H that you want this attention from him. It's time for some honesty and let me inform you that one NEVER gets the closure out of an affair in the way they need it. The entire relationship was a fantasy. How does one close something that never really existed?
Good luck to your convictions,
Id
I understand confusion you see. It all stems from the fact that this has all transpired over the last 2 months. There is a lot at risk. And guilt and desire have me filp flopping back and forth as to how I really feel about this.
As for the sex my inital post i believe was out of guilt, the timing was risky and stupid. However, hind sight gives a different perspective. (wild and crazy) Of course that perspecitve is distorted. I posted on that thread a couple of days later and had a different story to tell. Maybe, I have romantized the whole thing which has made it so exicting and desireable but the risks and danger of hurting others keeps me feeling guilty.
I'm a mess. I am grateful that no one has found out. I think in large part it was the build up of wanting to have sex. And now afterward remembering it. But while I'm there I knew I shouldn't be.
Thanks for posting. I appreciate another perspective.
An aside, I understood "IC" to be something else.
Trust me, end it now. I always thought for some strange reason that if ever caught, OM would stick by me and protect me (I was naive). If you end it now, maybe in the future you could still be friends with her.
Welcome to the board, CP. Glad you made it this far!
You don't want to be the one to press the issue? So, don't. It's just that easy.
Limit your time with the man and keep your distance without bringing attention to any unsual behaviors.
~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Thanks for sharing.
I know that the best thing to do is end it. I'm going to be out of town for a while so hopefully this will increase the no contact time.
As far as a strictly physical realtionship, that is what it has been but when you spend hours thinking about time you shared with someone I do believe it is no longer just physical. And MM and I have talked about what we would do if ever found out, he said he'd just leave town. so by no means am I counting on him being there for me in the end.
But what I wonder is why did this happen, we've been friends for a number of years, why now? I have a wonderful H and he would give me the world if he could. I suppose that means there is something wrong with me? Am I not truly satified in the M? What is it that I'm looking for? I know that these are not questions that anyone can answer for me. I'm just trying to do a a little soul searching.
Thanks again,
czy