Weigh-In Day

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Weigh-In Day
29
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:08pm

And you will see that it is Thursday so no excuses; such as, I couldn't weigh in because I feel fat on Mondays.Tongue Out

Let us know how you are doing.  Are you doing okay?  Really okay?...and what's helping you do okay.  Just okay..and what's impeding you or keeping you stuck in just okay?  

Let us know how we can support you...okay?

(((group hug)))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:22pm

I am doing ok...not great.  I'm lonely, I'm tired, my kiddos are sick and I am starting not to feel well myself.  Most of the time these are the times that I reach out to xap.  But not this time, not today.  Right now, I don't really miss him, I don't want to talk to him.  I am hoping that won't change, but only time will tell.  But on a more positive note, my marriage is in a much better place now.  It is a work in progress, and won't be great for awhile, but it is improving everyday.  I guess you all can keep doing for me what you have been doing for me, being supportive and encouraging.  I am glad that I have a place to go where there are others that have been through the same thing that I have been through and are in a much better place than I am and can tell me how good it is on the other side.  I can't wait to be on that other side.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:46pm

Here's a ((((feel better hug))).  

I'm proud of you for resisting the urge to reach out to your xaffair partner...I mean, why reach out and touch the source of your pain.

I'm really happy that you feel your marriage is in a much better place...excellent.  Now that you are plugged back in, your energy is feeding and nourishing it once again...that's great.  Be patient..it didn't deteriorate over night and so it won't be up and running to full capacity over night as well.

I hope your kiddies get better soon and that you start to feel better soon.  

Keep moving forward, Livin...it can only get better.  I'm glad we can be here for you.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:51pm
Not great today I'm missing him and anxious about sat oh and all of that is making me want to smoke which i also quit. Its all just to much today.
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 2:12pm

Quitting smoke and quitting an xaffair partner can't be easy.  Good for you for trying.

ah oh...I just hit some key and came to a box that says I've gone incognito...might as well look the part Cool

Your reaction to Saturday is your body telling you something...probably don't go.  How do you think Saturday night is going to play out?  How do you want it to play out?

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


Avatar for Nowaynonownvragain
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 2:51pm

Hi Clarity,

I'm doing good!! All I can say is "What a difference a year makes"!!!

Xmm still pops in and out of my thoughts but not nearly as often. After I ended my A last October I changed the way I was driving home from work. I didn't want to drive by the beach that he surfed at and would run at. I have finally started driving that route again. I couldn't do it until I knew I was ready......and by that I mean knew I wouldn't be LOOKING for him. My eyes don't even wander in that direction! 

Hope all is well with you and your not affected by the nor-easter that is hitting back there.

((Higs))

~~Noway~~

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the rose flower sheds on the heel that crushed it. ~unknown

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:16pm
Well i won't be drinking that's for sure, i would love for it to play out that none of it bothers me and that i don't have to pretend everything is ok but that's not going to happen.
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:29pm

I think your expectations might be a little high ;)  It's going to take some time before being in each others' presence won't affect you.  

Keep your distance, bring no drama to the situation...just act with grace and dignity, and you can't go wrong.  

Hopefully, you'll be able to duck out of future events to allow for some time and distance to heal.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:33pm

Hi Clarity,

I am doing so-so today.  xAP is really on my mind a lot the past few days.  I think because I know that he leaves next week to go complete the adoption.  Which is also a fantastic reminder of what NC is exatly the right thing for me!  Still hard though.  Have been coming here to read whenever I can't shake the thought of him.  I have also changed my work schedule a bit this week to avoid any possible run-in's with him (he was good at trying to accidentally run into me in the past).  So although it's been tough, I think I'm moving along.

Thanks for your support and positive words Smile

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:40pm

Truly doing much better these days. Getting through this past week was huge for me. I had been dreading that weekend (where I was working, etc. in his town) for awhile. But it is done...and I have had some fairly simple but pivotal insights, realizations in the past couple of weeks.

Particularly that it's okay to remove myself from any situation that leaves me hurt, frightened and/or fragmented...and that it is okay to recognize my strengths and limitations and create SANE comitments to others based on ..you know..being human.

I am really starting to feel more and more engaged in my daily life..and (gasp) even finding myself smiling and enjoying myself sometimes. This is HUGE for me. I was starting to think I would never get to this place again. Still miss the bobohead..but I am just acknowledging to myself that it's okay to miss him. That (aha..another huge revelatin) no one is entitled to a life free of betyrayal. We just wish we were because..you know..it sort-of really hurts. But I think..in the end..our resillience, playfulness and happiness win out. I would not have believed that a month ago.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:41pm

I'm having a tough day, but handling it pretty well overall. Found out this morning that one of my best friends from high school and undergrad (who I am still in contact with on occasion - sweetest woman ever) lost her husband last night. Unexpected death - awaiting more details. My heart breaks for her. She has endured way more tragedy in her lifetime than anyone should... loss of parent, brother, and more all within a couple years right after school. Always keeps a positive attitude though. My poor, dear friend.

It's shining a light on all the blessings I have, and how I need to not take any for granted. I need to not create pain for myself or loved ones. I am glad I have already taken steps to avoid this. Work is crazy and stressful today, too, but I am dealing. One thing at a time. And a glass of scotch tonight - f it.

I do not miss my xAP. But I do miss him wanting me. But I know it's not really his desire I miss at all... he's not the one I need it from, it's me. And I am working on that too.

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