Weigh-In Day

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Weigh-In Day
29
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:08pm

And you will see that it is Thursday so no excuses; such as, I couldn't weigh in because I feel fat on Mondays.Tongue Out

Let us know how you are doing.  Are you doing okay?  Really okay?...and what's helping you do okay.  Just okay..and what's impeding you or keeping you stuck in just okay?  

Let us know how we can support you...okay?

(((group hug)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 3:46pm

Excellent! I'm glad you are doing well.  Seems like you've reached indifference, because I don't think we ever get to the point where we don't think of them, at least on occasion...I mean, the thought of him doesn't rattle you, right? I think we all think about those who have come and gone in our lives...they are a part of ours lives and our experience with them shaped us into who we are now...whether they are still in our lives or not.

I took me about a year as well to be able to drive by JAM'S house and feel nothing.  I even tried to dredge up those old feels to test if they were still there...lurking under the surface...nope...nothing, nada, zilch, zip.  And it made me laugh because I remember my girlfriend saying to me 'One day, you'll look back on this"...she never even got through the end of her sentence because I went psycho on her.  "I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM...DON'T EVER SAY THAT...EVER AGAIN!!" lol

All is well with me.  The wind still howls, we got only rain...we are safe. Thanks for your concern.

((higs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 4:39pm

((((Red and friend))))

How awful.  I am so sorry.  My condolences, Red.  She'll probably lean on you over the next fews, and how wonderful you are present to be there for her.

And I think you should be proud of yourself because it's during these hard moments when, in the past, we would turn to our xaffair partner for comfort, but here you are, handling it all and toughing it out using your own inner strength.

You said that you miss his wanting you.  Did you read atwitsend's post on AYA.  She had a little saying something like...and I can't quote it exactly because I don't remember it exact, but it said something like 'I realized that I didn't really want you, I just wanted you to want me."  Already, I'm posting that twice in two separate posts...because it seems to hit the nail on all of our little heads :)

I'm glad you are counting your blessings, no longer taking anything for granted, and no longer behaving in a manner to hurt yourself or your loved ones.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 4:55pm

Hey RB 

Sounds like you are establishing some healthy boundaries to protect yourself.  That's marvelous, darlink.

I'm glad you got through your weekend in his town.  Do you ever have to go there again?  I hope not...I know it was very trying for you.  I hope you were able to create some new memories while you were there, so if you do ever have to go back to that area, it won't throw you off kilter.

Not surprised to hear you are doing too much...you seem to be always doing to much...you exhaust *me* when I listen to all you are trying to accomplish.

Please, never lose that resilience, playfulness and happiness...it's what I love about you.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 5:14pm
Clarity thanks for the chuckle "i will always love him..." good to know that goes away but then again if anyone thinks on it over their lifetime there have been normal breakups where u think the same thing only you do get over it. I can name two who are actually my friends now without baggage or mushy feeling, just friends and they sure were men i would just die without.
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 5:19pm

Hi Changed :)

I know it's difficult sometimes to keep our minds from wondering, but hopefully you are learning how to replace obsessive thinking with more positive thoughts.  And the sooner you can implement positive thinking, the soon you can nip those negative thoughts in the bud so they don't take hold and totally upset your present moment.

I am proud of you for being so proactive. Coming here to strengthen your resolve and fortify yourself, changing your work schedule...these are the things we must do to protect ourselves.  I think you are moving along too.  This whole ending business and learning about ourselves is a journey...not a sprint...we must be patient with ourselves. And it's important to stop and assess so that we recognize how our hard work is beginning to pay off...that we are starting to a little bit better every day...even if it seems like slow going at times.  At least we are 'going'...forward and away.  It gives us the impetus to keep going.

Keep it hummin'

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:08pm

That's what I'm here for...to give everyone a good chuckle Wink

You are absolutely right.  I'm sure we can all think back to someone or several people we once loved so much that we thought we would never get over them...and we did.

And we will get over JAM as well.

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 8:29pm
These posts are so inspiring for a newbie like me who is still at the start of this ending-the-A journey. I can't wait until I can think of HIM and feel indifference. For the last few days I have been struggling with the fact that he just cut off all contact with me when the A was discovered. No note, no letter, no call, no text. Nothing but silence. Still have trouble processing it. Especially since that very day we had been "together". Please tell me I will get to the point of indifference! When?
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 8:57pm

Welcome, TrueSurvivor.

First of all, I have to tell you that I love your name.  We make a big to-do about names around here and always want to see powerful, positive, affirming names.  Great choice!

Second, I was hoping you wouldn't mind starting a new thread introducing yourself here.  I know you have posted on AYA...and that's great too...we can't get enough support, especially at the beginning of our ending.  I don't want you to get lost in this thread, and that's why I ask.

In the meantime, I can tell you that it will get better.  What I can't tell you is when.  All I know is that how quickly we heal and move on depends upon the effort we put into our recovery.  Time and distance out also helps.  The one absolute guarantee we DO have is staying 'no contact'.  Similar to sobriety...you want to stay sober...don't drink.  

So, please start a new thread...share your story with us so we know how best to support you.  

(((hugs)))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 10:20pm

Love this thread!  Rough day here...started with another line being thrown in my direction from xAP.  I sat on it all day, didn't delete it.  And then I came here and read and read and then finally, I deleted it and blocked the number.  Whew!  That was hard, but I did it.   Was listening to a song all day with this line that really spoke to me:

 Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest

The only reason he is continuing to try and contact me is because I ended it this time.  I know that's just eating him up.  He was always in control and I took that away from him.  Keeping that in mind is helping me get through this week.

And the fact that when he tries to contact me there is no apology, no kind words, it's just more of the same awful.  That makes it so much easier to turn away. 

So, I guess I'd say I'm doing just ok today.  Always feel like I'm right on the edge of doing the wrong thing, but also feel like I can think it through before I do. 

 

 

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 11:00pm

Hey Blondehigh

I think that even though you may sometimes feel like you are on the edge of doing wrong, you will retain your power and thus be alRIGHT.  I can feel your strength and resolve in your posts.  I believe you are seeing him for who he is and this has helped you turn a major corner...there's no going back.

I agree with you, his ego has been badly bruised. This is all about him...him wanting to take back his power.

Throw your head back and give one of those wild laughs "BWAHAHAHAH...I've got the power now, SUCKER...and you'll never ever take it away from me again!  

Too much? Surprised

((hugs))

Clarity
 

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board