Well, he finally showed up

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Well, he finally showed up
11
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 7:01pm

I knew it was coming. I just had a feeling. Since I didn't tell him that I was starting NC he had to be wondering what happened to me. Day 7 NC. I didn't answer the door. I actually HID in my own house. How sad is that? I was doing dishes when I saw him pull up. I just backed away from the window and stood there listening to the door bell. I swear he stood there for what felt like 15 minutes. I almost threw up. I wanted to run to the door so bad, but I realized that I had nothing to say. He is never going to have the answers I need. It made me sad and happy at the same time to realize that everything has been said. I no longer have anything to say to him.

I went to check the mail later and saw that he left a note on my door. Seriously??? What if my H had been the one to find it? Did he think about that? Obviously not. Of course he covered his a**. He didn't sign it. It said:

"Where have you been? I have been e-mailing and texting you and you never respond. I see that you haven't even read my e-mails. Is everything okay? Your car is here, now I am really worried. Please let me know that you are okay. I miss you a lot. Call me. It doesn't matter what time it is. Even it is 2am, just please call."

I guess those rules of nothing after 8pm have gone out the window now, huh? I don't know why, but that note pissed me off. I was glad I didn't answer the door. What would he have to say that would be any different then anything he's already said? He lives an hour away from me so he took off work and drove 2 hours to leave me that note. I am so grateful to have this board because without it I would have answered the door, but having read the entire HL about 3 times (haha) made me see that this is not healthy.

Being a stay at home mom has made it really hard to fill the void that ending this A has created. I have thrown myself in to exercising a lot more. By the time I am over this I am going to have the body of Megan Fox. LOL

Now instead of being sad. I am sad AND pissed. UGH

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 7:41pm

WOW!! Chica!!

You are my my hero....look at ya! You handled that like an old VET (old in a good way). Look at ya!! I am so proud of you. Man oh man...u are one strong newbie.

Ok now to business, your EXaP is one bold man....to come to your house. Big NO NO!! My goodness.
I do not want to tell you to break NC, but you may need to. Just to stop him from showing up. What if your H was there...OH MY...
You do not need a D_day....GOOD LORD...this man is bold...and fearless. He has a lot of nerve. So happy you are pissed. Thats actually a good thing. Normal to be pissed. Anger is better than the sadness and it keeps you going.

U may need to send him a very brief email or txt and simply say. I am done. Its over. Do not contact me again and do not come by my home again, ever. Something to that effect...

Normally NC should not be broken but this guy may just need to be told since he can not take the hint....Your call and you know him, if you feel like he will not come around again, then its pointless to break NC, but if you think he even may come around again and/or risk you having a dday, you need to let him know that its OVA. Very simple and brief. A one way convo. Do not respond if he responds. Block him if you can every which way and then pray he does not show up again.

I am so sorry you had to experience this....here if ya need me.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 7:53pm

I've tried to go NC without warning and my x was calling and calling and calling, and I was so afraid he'd show up at my doorstep (exactly what happened to you) so I ended up texting him that I'm fine and not to call me again. He got the hint ( I mean THE HINT) and left me alone.

You probably need to do the same. Just make sure not to open lines of communications with why's - just says it's over and not to contact you again, and then stick to it.

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 8:37pm

Hi Completeylostme,

Ive hid in my own house too; its awful feeling like that. I think you did the right thing by not answering the door. I say remain NC, he will figure it out. And if he tries coming to your home or showing up anywhere else unexpected then I would take it to the next step after that. Hes trying to rattle you...dont let him.

You being p*ssed off is a good thing and I think it should be pointed out because you have a chance to takes this anger and turn it into strength to continue to move on; also it shows youre starting to heal. Sucks in the moment, but I say go with it. Feel what youre feeling.

Just my 2 cents
DM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 5:07am
Do you think he is worried that you are dead or something like that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 7:40am

((CLM))

I simply can't believe he came to your door. That had to be very intense and very frightening too, IMO. I would have to say that this is a situation where you probably should send a brief email that the A is over and you are recommitting to your M. That's it, nothing more. I say this only because he could cause a D-Day if you don't set him straight.

You are one strong lady and I am very proud of you.

((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 8:44am

So so so proud of you for NOT answering the door. That had to be so hard. I hope you can use this experience to propel you through the low points that may be ahead. I do agree with the others who have chimed in and said you should officially end it. It doesn't need to be long- just, "It's over. I am recommitting to my M, Please do not contact me again." That's about as straightforward as it gets. It will let him know that you are not dead, but the relationship is.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 9:13am

I just wanted to echo what the other posters said...really proud of you!! I can't even imagine that, my heart would have been pounding too!


You did great! I do agree with the other also, he may think you are sick or something has happened to you. I would also send him a very short email or text and say it's over,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 9:16am

stunned by his brazen behavior.
Thrilled that you could be so strong.
Feeling for you that you had to go through that awful experience.

Ok, now....

Here is a thought: do you have a facebook and/or myspace page? If so, has he ever mentioned that he looks at them (even if he's blocked he can see some signs of activity.) What about instead of breaking NC to let him know you're not dead on the kitchen floor, you update your profile picture, status line, mood... whatever... so that he will see that you are alive and kicking?

It's a stretch but I thought it might be an alternative.

Yes?

Best of luck and prayers for peace to you, Dear.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 9:38am

Unbelievable!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 11:38am

Thank you all for you kind words and advice.

I took it. I sent him a text saying "I'm done". Hopefully he can understand that! It was really hard not to curse him out for coming to my house like that, but I knew that would open the door for a response. After I sent it I immediately went to my cell phone website and blocked him again from sending me texts. It kind of felt great to not be that weak chick I had become trying to get him to pay attention to me.

Dee that was a really good suggestion, but to be honest I don't even know if he has a Facebook. I have one, but we never exchanged that information because I didn't want him in on that part of my life.

This question is for Iddy since she is the CL. Do I now have to start back at day one NC since I sent the text?

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