Well, here goes . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Well, here goes . . .
15
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 11:37am

. . .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 12:28pm
Dear Finding,

What an incredible post - you're going to be such a valuable asset to the board. Your insight, accountability & resolve is inspiring and a welcome addition. You have demonstrated how to just end - how when you get to the end of your A road, be if from a place of anger, or because you've had a "wake-you call" - you just do it. You take that first step toward the rest of your life affair free.

I offer you my warmest welcome & hugs,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 1:57pm

wow.

Finding YOU,

Your STRENGTH, RESOLVE, COMMITTMENT, UNDERSTANDING, AND HEAD KNOWLEDGE will go A LONNNNNNNNNNG way towards your success.

It seems that you've already done alot of the fog clearing on your own! Especially while reading here - and witnessing our ups & downs and such.

I HOPE SO MUCH FOR YOU (((FM))))) That we can HELP keep you on your path!! I do!

I wish I could be the POSTER GIRL FOR NO MORE AFFAIRS. Why? Because it BREAKS MY HEART to believe that someone else out there, a woman...who doesnt recognize her own worth...is HURTING IMMENSELY just like I was...and DOESNT KNOW HOW TO GET OUT - or have the SUPPORT / STRENGTH to DO it.

Ive found all of us on this board to be HIGHLY HIGHLY INTELLIGENT (Dont you??!?!?) so we KNOW it doesnt have to do with SMARTS or UNDERSTANDING...right????

Not until this a...and THIS BOARD...did I feel safe enough to ADMIT my inertia...my self destructiveness....my AVOIDANCE and use of addictions to hide / cover / mask my PAIN of not feeling GOOD ENOUGH. Lovable enough.

BLECH.

FM...I promise you....THIS STEP YOURE TAKING TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE / YOUR NOW BACK....AND DEVELOP A NEW YOU

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 2:11pm

Finding~

Your post truely resonated with me. I ended my affair the day after Christmas and today will be 10 days NC. Just like you, I have been reading here for a long time, and I was always envious of the amazing women here who had the courage to take the first step in ending their A. My A sounds so much like yours. And just like you, the day after Christmas, I looked at my H and children and realized just how much damage I was doing to them and it terrified me.

It sounds like your off to a wonderful start!! This will be a year to find out who you truely are and learn and grow from this experience. I'm on the same path as you so let's go together!

HC

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 2:30pm

HC HC HC HC HC!!!

I love that youre offering up your same path buddy skills!!!! That means so much - as I know - I feel a special comradarie with those ladies that went NC around the same time I did!

FM and You

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 3:27pm

Welcome, Finding!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 4:08pm

Finding Me,

I haven't even read anyone else's response yet. I just finished reading your post and had to jump right in and tell you how absolutely blown away I am by your eloquence, your determination, your calm, your EVERYTHING!! Wow.

I am so ridiculously happy for you at this moment. What insight you have. I could picture you sitting around the Christmas tree and thinking, "I'm going to give my family the best gift of all." How completely UNSELFISH was that??

I am so happy you came out from lurking. I hope your post will also encourage others to come to the board. This is the warmest, most comfortable place to be for so many of us. Welcome to our sisterhood. (((FM)))

Big Hug,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 4:34pm

FM,

A couple of questions. Is XAP a MM with children too? Also, before you blocked and deleted, did you tell him the A was over? Question #2 is asked out of concern, because if he thinks you are still APs and doesn't hear anything from you, he may act out of character and do something dumb.......I've heard of guys who come knocking at the door for an explanation if they think the H isn't home, or come to your work if he knows where that is (that's if you do work), or hang out at stores that you would go to, or coffee houses...stuff like that. Just warning you. He needs to know that your A is over FOR REAL this time and that he needs to respect NC because it will help both of you to heal and move on.

I wouldn't advise those who have LD or Internet As because the chances of running into one another are practically nilch, but a friend of your H? Someone who lives near you? If he doesn't know the scoop, you could be caught totally off guard (unprepared) for any kind of confrontation...and this is when many gals lose their resolve and give in to one more this or that....which ALWAYS leads right back to affair land. So, does he know where you stand?

Welcome again, and thanks for sharing your story with us.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 5:33pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 6:02pm
Silence is the preferred method around here, so you won't get an argument from me. I was just concerned with how he may react to your sudden disappearance. It sounds like he will figure it out based on past endings.

Stay strong and stay focused. You can do this and it appears the timing is perfect for putting distance between the two of you. By winter thaw, the A addiction will have melted too. ;-) Just be sure to have a backup plan for any unpredictable encounters.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 01-04-2011 - 8:17pm
Hi finding me,

I lurked for a very long time as well and now that you have come out of lurking you will receive excellant support. You will also be able to give support which helps you as well. I have learned so much in the short time I have been here and I won't go back to the old me, i have faith in you that you will become that person you want to be alongside of me:)

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