Day 1 - NC. Here you go. I'm not sure where you have been, or the details of your story ... but I do know the following to be true: don't just hope to get to day 2 NC. Decide it's not an option anymore. Communicating in any way, shape or form isn't an option. Free yourself from the feelings of uncertainty.
Yes - YOU MUST decide no matter how much you struggle, contact just isn't an option. I know there will be moments of doubt and deep pain, we've ALL had to experience those hot coals under our feet as we've walked this path, we've all wanted to step off to the side - give in, but each one of us made the choice to keep walking forward - knowing that the painful path would end, we'd just have to be brave enough to believe it was possible.
You have much to sort out. Be gentle and today, just for today, decide that your goal is to make it until tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow comes, commit to making it to the next day. Work to help yourself get out of this crisis phase, seek therapy if you can, and then make decisions after the fog of the affair has been blown away.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
As the other gals have already told you, you take it one hour at a time, one day at a time. If you look any further than just getting through one day, you will be overcome with self doubt and insecurity. Ending any relationship is painful but that is how life works. You have to stay focused on the moment, not on the future right now. You can do all your planning later after you have spent some time grieving your loss. Just try to keep things in perspective and realize an affair is a dead end street, and what you are really grieving is the loss of what you thought this was. Affairs are lived more in our heads and hearts, so coming to terms with how we duped ourselves into thinking it was something real/tangible, will take time and patience. You cannot hold onto a fantasy forever. This is self deception and very harmful to your emotional wellbeing.
Keep reading here daily, and make sure you visit the Healing Library every time you start feeling weak and want to make contact. Also, coming here and talking about your feelings first before acting on them will help you cope with the void you'll be feeling. It won't always be this difficult, but you
Dear Pinky,
((hugs))
Day 1 - NC. Here you go. I'm not sure where you have been, or the details of your story ... but I do know the following to be true: don't just hope to get to day 2 NC. Decide it's not an option anymore. Communicating in any way, shape or form isn't an option. Free yourself from the feelings of uncertainty.
Yes - YOU MUST decide no matter how much you struggle, contact just isn't an option. I know there will be moments of doubt and deep pain, we've ALL had to experience those hot coals under our feet as we've walked this path, we've all wanted to step off to the side - give in, but each one of us made the choice to keep walking forward - knowing that the painful path would end, we'd just have to be brave enough to believe it was possible.
You have much to sort out. Be gentle and today, just for today, decide that your goal is to make it until tomorrow. Then, when tomorrow comes, commit to making it to the next day. Work to help yourself get out of this crisis phase, seek therapy if you can, and then make decisions after the fog of the affair has been blown away.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Hi Pinks
I just found this AFTER responding to your LOOONG post
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
Hi Pinky,
As the other gals have already told you, you take it one hour at a time, one day at a time. If you look any further than just getting through one day, you will be overcome with self doubt and insecurity. Ending any relationship is painful but that is how life works. You have to stay focused on the moment, not on the future right now. You can do all your planning later after you have spent some time grieving your loss. Just try to keep things in perspective and realize an affair is a dead end street, and what you are really grieving is the loss of what you thought this was. Affairs are lived more in our heads and hearts, so coming to terms with how we duped ourselves into thinking it was something real/tangible, will take time and patience. You cannot hold onto a fantasy forever. This is self deception and very harmful to your emotional wellbeing.
Keep reading here daily, and make sure you visit the Healing Library every time you start feeling weak and want to make contact. Also, coming here and talking about your feelings first before acting on them will help you cope with the void you'll be feeling. It won't always be this difficult, but you
~Iddy~