Well this sucks...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Well this sucks...
1
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 8:42pm

So.. I feel like this is going to be a long story.

I have known the guy for a while.. we had been friends for many years not really seeing each other much but staying in contact on and off. There was always alot of sexual tension between us.  He is a lot older than me (by about 15 years..ugh) I always felt more than just a sexual connection with him.. 

Fast forward to this past summer. Was having a really rough patch with my husband (who I have been with since I was a teenager and I am now in my 30s). Found out he was getting divorced so I contacted him (mistake #1).  We began chatting again and ran into each other around town..Meanwhile my husband and my relationship began to go down the tubes worse. I am very sexual person and pretty much had to beg him to have sex with me. Which made me feel awful about myself. He even went so far as to tell me to have an affair.. because he just didn't have that interest in sex. Which hurt me to the core. But I also was interested in this guy so at the same time that was in the back of my mind. 

One night I went out for drinks with a friend and we ran into each other. One thing led to another and I ended up giving him a ride home and we made out... We became closer after that and met up another time to make out.  (Sounds really stupid as I am typing it..lol)  we connected more and would text each other.  He kept telling me things..nice things.. I was SO STUPID for believing them.. but I trusted him because he was a friend.  He promised me that if anything ever happened I would never be a booty call.. said he loved just kissing me..etc.. more crap like that.  So I began to think..ok.. maybe he really does care about me like he says he does.  

He knew the situation with my husband.  Knew how fragile I was.  Knew that sex meant more to me than just sex. Knew I had only ever had sex with my husband.

I never actually intended on sleeping with him.  Honestly.  But One night we met up and I had been drinking, a lot. And drank more when I was with him. And we ended up having sex.   For the record it was AWFUL. lol. Which kind of bums me out.. the only time I am with someone other than my husband and it sucks. but oh well.

The next day I freaked out. Of course. I felt guilty but also felt stupid for being THAT drunk with him and probably looking like an idiot.  

Then.. the sh*t started. He was all of a sudden SO busy w. work and didn't have time to communicate with me. I tried in VAIN to keep in touch with him because GOD DAMN if I had an affair with someone that turned out to be an a$$hole that just wanted me for sex... He just let it fizzle and finally just stopped talking to me. It killed me. Mostly because I was SO MAD at myself for falling for the CLICHE sh*t that seems to belong in a movie...  and the fact that our friendship is now null and void. And it is also a very small town and I KNOW at some point I will run into him and it will SUCK.   I sent him a final email (for my peace of mine) telling him that was I was really said he turned out to be the person he promised me he wouldn't be and that it was ok because I didn't put him on a pedestal anymore.

The good news is. I can still try to repair things with my husband. I am way younger and HOTTER than he is and he is going through his THIRD divorce (should have been a red flag) and obviously does this crap with every woman he is with.,. or is just a bad person in general. I have A LOT to live for and he is a loser. In every sense of the word. I tend to obsess over things and I am TRYING not to obsess about this.. but it hurts. bad.  I feel so fooled and so betrayed. But I am sure a lot of us here feel that way. 

 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 10:17pm

Welcome to EAS, thatwasntme

I'm glad you started the ball rolling towards your healing by officially ending it, and I suggested to now block all avenues of communication...so that no one can make any further connect. Time to move onward and forward with no further contact to trip you up.

You are not alone.  Many of us felt betrayed and used and foolish for putting ourself into a position to be mistreated.  And that's the thing, when we behave in a disrespectful...to ourselves and our loved ones...manner, there are many people willing and able to exploit this weakness in us.  

Have you checked out our Healing Library...just scroll down when you are on our opening page...maybe start out by reading the threads that resonant most with you.  And read all the posts...even thought they aren't direct at you...there are nuggets of wisdom in them and answers to many questions most of us have...sometimes one you hadn't even yet formulated  in your own mind, but to which you wanted to know the answer :smileyhappy:

There's lots to absorb.  Be patient...be open.  Hang with us, and you can't go wrong.  

Clarity