Went on a blind date
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Went on a blind date
| Sat, 02-14-2004 - 4:05pm |
I went on a blind date last night, first date for many years. It wasn't bad and I had quite a nice time and there wasn't many awkard silences. He's my age and divorced, we had a bit of a laugh. He is a bit shy and said if he had been out and I had gone up and spoken to him he would of run a mile! When he dropped me home he gave me his mobile and home phone numbers. Oh I had a nice time and didn't think of XMM once so why when I get home do I go to bed crying and spend today feeling so down. I know it's worse cause XMM contacted me this week and because today is the first special day that I have had no contact with him got Christmas and Birthday cards and yes I know I told him to leave me alone and it's all pointless but!
I don't know what to do now should I go out again or is it too early should I get over my feelings for XMM before I see anyone else or will going out help me get over him, if all it does is make me miss and long for him more is there any point.
Edited 2/14/2004 7:07:31 PM ET by natty536

And remember, neither he nor any man you go out with post-MM ever need to know about your A. The point is, while you shouldn't use people, you also don't have to tell everything you know either. So long as you don't mislead someone, you can enjoy being with someone who isn't "the love of your life" and who knows what will happen? And isn't that nice? You get to be a new person, rising from the ashes of the A!
Don't wait to get over MM. Having other friends, dates and possibilities can help you heal. I went straight from my MM to my boyfriend (also divorced, also a parent). We've been together a year, but all I knew on that first date was that it was possible to have fun with someone else, someone AVAILABLE to me. I knew even if I never saw this guy again that it was time for me to move on from the A and start living my life out of the prison of the affair. I turned my back on my MM the very next day and never looked back.
It wasn't easy. I still missed the MM even though I was firm with NC. I went into therapy for several months, all while dating the single guy, so I could leave MM behind me. I wanted to so badly, I was SO ready but it was a hard addiction to break. It took about 6 mos. of NC and therapy to be totally free of it.
My boyfriend did know about the A but doesn't really know how hard it was for me to let go. I worked on that with my therapist. Now, I'm so grateful because we have a wonderful relationship. All my friends know him. My kids know him. He's met my parents. We do lots of things together in public and even at our children's school. I never could have any of this with MM.
Keep getting out there Natty -- you deserve a WHOLE life and a WHOLE relationship!!
I wholeheartedly agree with foolnomore... keep stepping out that door and into your NEW future! As time goes on, xMM will become less and less of a memory. Keep focusing on how much fun a NORMAL relationship is and will be!
I'm very happy for your new start!
Only problem is XMM texted today, heard about date from my son who works with him. Asked how it went so I told him great, yes I know I should have ignored him but felt good, he told me he was jealous, well hard luck, and he wished me luck, I asked him what I needed luck for as I'm quite a catch, (well I need to convince myself)and that I'm going to go out and enjoy myself. Feel ok after talking to him, maybe because i know I do have other options. Will now try to go back to NC.
And will definatly try to stay out longer next time!