Is this what acceptance is supposed to feel like?

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Is this what acceptance is supposed to feel like?
11
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 1:08pm

At my 5th? T session, I finally got to talk about the A.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Yay! It means your ending is now historical instead of hysterical!
Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
He he... Love that Angie!!!

Happyasme - I think it means you have reached acceptance. Just to share my acceptance story - I lost a baby half was through a pregnancy - it was my first baby with H, it was 10 years ago and I can talk about it today very "matter of factly" - it even feels weird if someone is upset for me - that is because I have accepted that its something I can't change no matter how much I cry about it, scream about it or get mad about it - made me who I am, and even though the pain was unbareable at the time, its time to enjoy what I have here and now and look after what I have.

So You have reached accept sweetie! Cherish the moments, it doesn't mean the pain is gone or you never felt it - it means you have found perspective on the A, you have filed it away somewhere where you can deal with it without it hurting and now you can help others :-)

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Happy, this is wonderful that your emotions are catching up to that excellent brain of yours!! I think one of the toughest aspects of ending is "knowing" how futile and destructive the A is but our hearts lag behind for so long. Your posts are changing and I can really see so much growth. Proud of you, Sweets!
On a side note, (a funny note), I was remembering when you changed your name and were runnng it by all of us and you said "how about Happy As Me" and Dee said "I like Happy A** Me!" LOL I still get a big smile over that! :-)
Keep up the excellent work! ((((Super squeeze)))) GH
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005

Sounds like indifference to me.


Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Dee said WHAT!?! I had totally not seen that typo/pun and had to search back. LOL. That puts a funny twist on my visual of Dee rehearsing in front of a mirror her speech she prepared for her T.

Clarity, This acceptance feeling may be fleeting, but that T session was almost 2 weeks ago and I won't say that I never have thoughts of the A or xAP, but it feels in the past. I feel like I've arrived somewhere.

GH, thank you so much for saying you've been seeing me grow, I feel I'm not the same, I feel more comfortable in my skin, but there is always doubt.

Angie, Yup hysterical is now history. That's what you meant right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 10:28pm

Well, two weeks is one long spell of indifference.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010

I'm right there with you Happy! For the past month or so I have felt like my A is something that happened a long time ago, that it is a part of my distant past. I don't know if it is because I just got tired thinking about it or what, but it is a nice feeling. I do think about xAP, but not constatnly and sometimes a day goes by when I don't-A WHOLE DAY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Happy,

Amazing post! You took great strides to accept responsibility and be accountable for your actions. That is a sign of true growth and healing.

As you continue on this journey, further revelations will be revealed to you as you seek them. You will come to an understanding of the dynamics of the A and why you (we) chose to participate.

I have found that when I have struggled with a part of the A-fog/ending I tried to look at it from a third person's perspective....without emotion.

best,

progression

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2011
happy! this is great.

it's so good to hear so many of us, newbies and oldies are finding T useful. I used to be such a non-believer but 5 months in, i would never do otherwise.

the journey you've embarked upon now is sure to be one if your most invaluable and rewarding and eye-opening yet.

be prepared to learn a lot about yourself and use learnings to approach your everyday RL. It's going to be great.

keep in mind you will have good days and bad, strong weeks and tough ones. it's a good sign that you didn't feel or get emotional when talking about A. I didn't either the many times i talked about it but the things that linked back to the A and led to the A are the ones that are going to be taxing emotionally so just be prepared honey. know that it's all normal and part of the process.

in therapy we are essentially purging. purging all the pain we ave boxed in. well now you have an outlet, embrace it. your journey to happiness has begun!

EO
The first day of the rest of my life: 25/10/2011
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
SO thrilled for you Happy!! :) :) :)

Isn't an amazing thing to be rid of those emotions when talking about the A? This is progress. Real and bonafide progress.

Hearts <3

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