I'm very big on reading books when I'm dealing with an issue, but unfortunately because I'm M, I can't exactly leave "Getting Over an Affair" on my nightstand.
I learned, with the help of therapy, that i have never truly considered myself married, as in "til death do us part". I never changed my name, kept separate finances, etc. My mom had three marriages that never worked out. I have a difficult relationship with my mom so I never in a million years would have thought that I would take relationship cues from her. But that's exactly what I've done. Deep down, I see marriage as something that won't last and so, my destiny might still be ahead of me in the form of another man.
I'm now working on changing my attitude about this because my husband is a wonderful guy. I would be extremely lucky to grow old with him!
10 weeks out of the affair so I suspect my 'insights' will change a lot in the coming months, but so far I've learned this about myself:
I've never been alone, romantically. From 16 to 42 -- never NOT been a long term, committed relationship. Why is that? I need to figure that one out. Check back with me in a few months.
I am a chameleon. I 'massaged' relationships to life that were never meant to be. I adapt myself and my needs too much in order to "win" the affection of the person I'm with. Winning is very important to me.
I have always felt like a fraud. Just getting by fooling people into believing I'm smarter than I am, better than I am, prettier than I am -- and that at any moment, I'll be found out.
I really, really need to have an intense romantic connection in order to feel complete.
I get bored and antsy and act out in negative ways to assuage the uncomfortable feelings. I avoid pain. I procrastinate. I am very weak, and I thought I was really strong.
I am very angry and frustrated with how my life has turned out and I unfairly blame other people for that. My H, for one.
I totally overlooked the blessings in my life because I was so selfish, needy and immature.
I have an addictive personality. I used to numb myself during my first M with pot. Now, I drink too much. The A was a drug, too. Avoiding reality is my best (worst) talent.
I am capable of doing horrific things. Lying, stealing, scheming, hurting my family, hurting myself, justifying the worst behavior to suit my basest desires, turning my back on all that is right and good, turning my back on all my morals and ethics, hushing the voice of God, and committing the worst acts of hypocrisy and stupidity.
I'm lazy.
I tortured my H with my bad attitude and bitchiness and I am surprised he didn't kick my ass to the curb.
My H is a whole person and NOT just an extension of myself.
I am worn out by the needs of my children and I'm not a very enthusiastic mother sometimes. I can take their preciousness for granted and overlook how they are the most amazing and wonderful blessing from God.
Good grief, woman. I had a hard time reading this other than the fact that your humor was present. Maybe this is what you are learning about yourself now, but there has to be some really good
I'm very big on reading books when I'm dealing with an issue, but unfortunately because I'm M, I can't exactly leave "Getting Over an Affair" on my nightstand.
Hi there,
I learned, with the help of therapy, that i have never truly considered myself married, as in "til death do us part". I never changed my name, kept separate finances, etc. My mom had three marriages that never worked out. I have a difficult relationship with my mom so I never in a million years would have thought that I would take relationship cues from her. But that's exactly what I've done. Deep down, I see marriage as something that won't last and so, my destiny might still be ahead of me in the form of another man.
I'm now working on changing my attitude about this because my husband is a wonderful guy. I would be extremely lucky to grow old with him!
Wit
I am 6 months out of the A, and I have learned that I put my complete self worth in what he thought of me.
I'm learning about myself that:
I'm
10 weeks out of the affair so I suspect my 'insights' will change a lot in the coming months, but so far I've learned this about myself:
I've never been alone, romantically. From 16 to 42 -- never NOT been a long term, committed relationship. Why is that? I need to figure that one out. Check back with me in a few months.
I am a chameleon. I 'massaged' relationships to life that were never meant to be. I adapt myself and my needs too much in order to "win" the affection of the person I'm with. Winning is very important to me.
I have always felt like a fraud. Just getting by fooling people into believing I'm smarter than I am, better than I am, prettier than I am -- and that at any moment, I'll be found out.
I really, really need to have an intense romantic connection in order to feel complete.
I get bored and antsy and act out in negative ways to assuage the uncomfortable feelings. I avoid pain. I procrastinate. I am very weak, and I thought I was really strong.
I am very angry and frustrated with how my life has turned out and I unfairly blame other people for that. My H, for one.
I totally overlooked the blessings in my life because I was so selfish, needy and immature.
I have an addictive personality. I used to numb myself during my first M with pot. Now, I drink too much. The A was a drug, too. Avoiding reality is my best (worst) talent.
I am capable of doing horrific things. Lying, stealing, scheming, hurting my family, hurting myself, justifying the worst behavior to suit my basest desires, turning my back on all that is right and good, turning my back on all my morals and ethics, hushing the voice of God, and committing the worst acts of hypocrisy and stupidity.
I'm lazy.
I tortured my H with my bad attitude and bitchiness and I am surprised he didn't kick my ass to the curb.
My H is a whole person and NOT just an extension of myself.
I am worn out by the needs of my children and I'm not a very enthusiastic mother sometimes. I can take their preciousness for granted and overlook how they are the most amazing and wonderful blessing from God.
I'm needy, needy, needy.
I have a hard time finishing anythi....
Good grief, woman. I had a hard time reading this other than the fact that your humor was present. Maybe this is what you are learning about yourself now, but there has to be some really good
~Iddy~