What are your triggers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
What are your triggers?
8
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 8:30pm

Whether its having more thoughts about exAP, or feeling stupidly nostalgic about the highs we got from our unhealthy addiction, or maybe it makes you break the sanctuary of NC.

It appears to me that we all have our triggers. Lets identify them so we can be aware - and do something different during those times that are more healing than any of the above.

For me...

  • Trigger: Fighting with H or feeling disconnected to him.
  • New Response: Talk to H, stay connected, go on dates.

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 7:20pm
Whoops- replying to my own thread- and being the only reply- AWWWWKWAARD :)

I think I found a bigger trigger- and no idea how to handle it.
Feeling powerless and invalidated - these are big triggers for me!

I think feeling powerful and validated are my drugs of choice. Im not happy with my work at the moment- was asked to do a special project and its actually a compliment, but it means I manage a smaller (less high profile) team. THIS is whats bothering me lately. WOW what a huge A-HA moment!! God how sad that I see this loss of high profle role as a bad thing- and a reason for a drop in self-confidence.

This is why I am looking at exA a bit more romantically lately- I have (perceived to have) less power, status and validation at work. The A made me feel all these things- for the wrong reasons. He was rich, suave and flashy. Driving in his car made me feel special. When he took me to nice restaurants- I felt special. God this is sad huh.

Ok so I recognise it- now what?????

Iggyx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 8:20pm

ahahha Iggy, I have a whole COLLECTION of posts with no responses. Such is life...:)

My triggers used to be...waking up and breathing.

Nowadays...its stuff in RL that gets to be too stressful, where I feel I need a distraction. Or a romantic obsession to either get lost in (lose myself) or define myself by (make me worthy).

All stuff now...I know is just my own JUNK.

Makes it alot easier to NOT act out on triggers - I respond to them differently. NOW...I know they're really just a wake up call to DO SOMETHING for my own well being. :)

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 9:44pm

Hi Iggy

I know a few of my triggers:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 12:32pm

MC!!!!

How long have you been NC now?!?!?!?!??!

JEEZ it just seems like FOREVER!!!!

How are you doing overall????

(sorry for the hijack Iggy)

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 12:40pm

Iggy,

I just re read your thoughts about the "flashy status" thing.

UGH me too!!!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 1:50pm

Triggers?

Certain songs, boredom, unhappy moments, unfulfilled times, unhappy with H. NIGHTIME in bed.

Finding the times less and less and not so much a wanting him or needing him or sex but just more a thoughtful thinking, wishing he were different kinda thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sun, 01-16-2011 - 9:24pm
Hi Michelle,
NC since Nov 12.. 9 weeks i think....still reading in HL and posting when I think I have something to offer. I am doing ok most of the time. I have made a couple of friends on here that i chat with so that helps. Thank you for asking.
MC
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 01-18-2011 - 3:14pm

Iggy, my biggest triggers are, just