I am so sad. I called my MM today and he told me he wanted to "still be friends" but he thought I couldn't handle things anymore. I am so embarassed, ashamed, sad, defeated...you name it! We had planned a getaway this week for the first time and I was so looking forward to it. I just called to check on things and he said that we couldn't be together anymore. We are both married and both have kids the same age - my situation is a complicated by the fact that I am living far from home with my family and don't have a lot of friends where I am. Language is an issue. I'm learning as best as I can but there are some friendships and conversations that just don't happen in a language that is not my own! Anyway, this man provided so much fun to me - and helped me rediscover a fun and sexual side that was buried. He did wonders for my self esteem and taught me a lot sexually that I am not ready to give up. My heart feels like it is breaking and all I can tell my husband is that this "friend" thought I was leaning on him too much and that his wife hates it that we are friends - so he told me our friendship had to change. My husband knows I am good friends with this man - he understands the friendship because it is so isolating being in a foreign country and this guy speaks awesome english. He makes me laugh and feel appreciated and he is interested in what I have to say. I am hurting. I want to try to get him back but I do not want to go through this pain a second time. I do have friends - but this is someone special I really connected to and now I feel like I'm losing an awesome lover but mostly, an awesome friend.
Any advice - how to cope? I should have "no contact" but I'm working on a school project that I won't quit (2 weeks til event time) and I'm hoping we can be friends and still talk - just no sex. The friendship part is so important to me too. Am I a fool? Is that possible? I'm really hurting. I don't know what to do. Please tell me I am not alone in this - that others have gone through it and come out okay. I need to focus on my marriage now - but first I have to stop hurting so much. He comes over in the morning to talk. Don't know what to say. When I show my sadness he'll just tell me that is why he is worried about continuing. How can I not have emotions when I openned myself up to him the way I have? I did things with him I never dreamed I would - and loved every minute of it. Why now? Why do I hurt so badly over something I knew would have to end and when I want to stay with my husband.
I'm so confused.
Remember this, whatever you learned from this relationship and whatever this man helped you discover about yourself is STILL YOURS. You get to keep this renewed sense of your sexuality and beauty. You are a beautiful woman, not just to your affair partner, it sounds like you have a pretty understanding husband as well.
Focus on all those other aspects of your life that need attention -- for me, working out SAVED me. I worked out so much & so intensely that I developed an amazing body! Now that helped me tremendously in terms of feeling strong & beautiful & getting pumped with endorphins. You don't need a gym -- just go walk or run or hike. Do basic crunches, push ups, whatever.
I also read lots of self-help books -- get online with amazon.com & search for books that you think might help you. If you ask here, lots of people will post suggestions. My A ended over a year ago, and I can't remember what I read but I read lots of stuff based on ideas I got here.
Work harder. Take another look at your husband and see if you can pump that relationship up.
Good luck. I know it's hard but in time, if you stick with your plan for work ONLY no flirtation/sexual contact with your xMM, you'll start to detach and get on with YOUR own life.
I recommend you rethink trying to be friends with this guy. I think you still have such strong feelings for him that it'll just confuse things for you. Maybe after several months or a year, that could work, but for now, keep it pretty formal to protect yourself!