What do I do now??? Please help me!!!
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| Tue, 12-14-2004 - 10:17pm |
I lurk here mostly and have learned alot and seen myself in so many other peoples postings, but Now I need to know........ I while back I posted that I thought that XMM was emotionally attatched to me and couldn't let me go, etc. (We have been at this alomst 4 years now) and the thing that lays heavy on my mind the most is...Who is meeting his needs if I or his wife isn't..... Well, I'll admit my guilt. I have been in coversation with him, but conversation only. We were to meet yesterday morning to spend a few minutes togther and due to schedule conflicts it didn't happen. (he told me up front that he may not be able to make it, but I went anyway, just in case). A little dissapointed yes, but more so relieved that the meeting didn't take place. Well he called me, asked if I was dissapointed and I told him that I would get over it and not to worry about it. He also told me after more conversation that if nothing ever came of us being together, that there would always be someone "out there" that loved me more that I would ever know. Then started telling me how he thought I was beautiful and that our love would conquer all. Along with alot of other things. After this conversation I called him and told him that figured I would not talk to him anymore this year and merry christmas, and he said yes he would talk to me. I had a feeling in my gut after this particular conversation that our affair is all but over. Which realistically I KNOW it's what I need. What do I do now? How do I end this affair in a way that I can not cry myself to sleep at night when my husband is in the bed next to me, how do I get over the fact that I fell in love with someone that I know honestly will never be mine to have and has his heart and life in a life and world and community that I will never be a part of. How can I just move on.
I don't know why I'm even having to asked these questions, really. I know the real answers already. Maybe I just need to hear it from you guys. And know that with your help and your advice, whether it be gentle or harsh, maybe I'll start to look at this thing in a different light that just the "affair glow" that I'm in and try real hard to get out. I am so tired of living like this and feeling like I'm under his spell all of the time. (I know it's because I allow it really) but need to break this cycle.!! I want my new year to be better, different and happy. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, and I don't want to mess this marriage up with a man that would not be there for me thru thick and thin like my husband is.
Make my madness stop!!!!!! Thanks in advance for all your help!!!

Fresh
Your the only one that can stop the madness, a rather dramatic term don't you think, is that what you ave been getting from this, drama and excitment to spruce up you days.
Let me tell you I think this all have very little to do with the XMM but is more about you and YOUR dependence on him to give you that affair HIGH, you be a junkie.
COLD TURKEY, if you have any respect for your husband you will go COLD TURKEY and be about the job of being a wife to that good man that you have while you still have him.
Funny thing is when you have your head stuck in the affair FOG you don't stop to think while your give attention and love that belongs to you spouse to someone else he may be getting lonely enough that some OTHER WOMAN may see her opprtunity to grab him, hell she may be posting about him on one of IVillages boards as you read this.
The clocks ticking how much time do you have left before hubby meets his OTHER WOMAN.
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT GET IT.