What do we really know about our JAMs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
What do we really know about our JAMs?
6
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:48pm

I was pondering this when I was trying to catch some sleep after night shift today. I think it's high time to get real about these men....and this is what I was thinking.

Is he someone who sulks when he doesn't get his own way?

Does his W have to continuously put up with his inattention and rudeness?

Does he slump in front of the TV and not speak?

Is he abusive, physically? Don't think this couldn't be; working in law enforcement I speak to women constantly who have no idea their new partner has protection orders out against him from his former battered partners.

Does his breath stink?

Does he not bother shaving for a few days and not care about the stubble?

Does he hog more than his half of the bed?

Is he an absent father, causing his kids to feel sad and neglected?

Does he have an addiction to porn?

Are there many other "Other women"?

Do his feet stink to high heaven?

Does he leave the toilet door open when he goes?

Does he belch with his mouth open and shove his hands down his pants like Al Bundy?

Does he have terrible flatulence and think it's funny to do it round his W constantly?

****

I know these sound impossible but let's face it, on the balance of probabilities, Mr Wonderful is guaranteed to have at least some of those traits...and to add to the Bargain of the Century we should add what we DO know - he can't keep his fly done up around other women.

Pffft....she can have him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:06pm
hmm Interesting Lulu, Things I do know for sure about my exAP: He could be moody and bossy There were other women..obviously I was one of them..not sure if there were others ..probably He was a liar (well I was too) He was a bit of a bragger ..and a wine snob He always thought he was right ...but i often proved him wrong. The one good thing..he had impeccable manners always (around me anyway) Im sure I will think of other things... MC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:20pm
ASIDE from my first gut reactions - which is WHO THE HECK CARES because I know that NO ONE knew anyone inside the affair. I was NO more the Ms. Wonderful that I portrayed than he was the Mr. Wonderful he failed at portraying. Crap, if he only knew what he would have been in for with a life with me ... oh well, that's for another time.

The answer to the questions: What do we really know about xAP?

Sweet Dick All as my mom would say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:28pm

Oh absolutely! And that's the thing I was thinking...we have this idealised world where we run off to be with The One, only to find that actually it's nothing like the Dream World we created in our minds.

Do we honestly think it's a painless and problem-free transition? Only in the delusional confines of the A...

And yes, I also thought: Imagine if I DID live with him. For starters I'd have to stop all my disgustingly bad habits that have evolved over 30 years with DH. Like taking out my partial denture and leaving it on the bedside cabinet. (He doesn't know I wear one, JAM I mean). Or (apparently) snoring like a freight train. And I'd have to be nice when I had PMS. God, and I'd have to get my waxing done a lot more often and heaven help me, start shaving my underarms again...and no more track pants! No more lying about in my trackies!

Doesn't bear thinking about!

The whole thing is nothing more than a one-dimensional illusion. From both sides.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:57pm

Hmmmm - have to view both sides of the coin here:

xAP

Condescending

Is a lazy lump in front of the TV

Obviously a liar, cheat and manipulator

Other women? Without a doubt.

Neat freak

Me

Pick my teeth in public (have nightmares of broccoli in my teeth).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 11:13pm

Oh I love these sorts of reality checks. My exAP definately:

- is self-absorbed and is a terrible Dad and H

- is obsessed with money and material wealth. I admit this 'turned my head' with nice trips and fancy lunches. But the hours he works to make this money is having a catastrophic affect on all his personal r'ships.

- is always right, never wrong and arrogant as sh%t

- is obsessed with how he looks and how expensive his suits and cars are- but lives in a hovel while he uses his money to buy investments

- would never be the handy, genuine, reliable and stalwart partner I need!

Now me on the otherhand- whilst not being perfect 100% of the time :)- I can be moody, lazy and love to

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 11:24pm

Mwahaha....I can't imagine JAM stroking my back when I threw up after anaesthetic, or helping me *cough* "clean up" after I had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands and couldn't do anything for myself for a week....I'd have to start staying up late and watching his comedy shows, which I frankly always thought were boring, or listening to Black Sabbath...yawn...and laughing endlessly and prettily at his jokes, and refrain from plucking my chin hairs in front of him...

Hehehe. Sigh. Poor H, see what he has to endure? And he does, because he loves me. Reality check, for sure.