What do you do when you're feeling bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
What do you do when you're feeling bad?
4
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 3:41pm
Not that far into NC and having real trouble concentrating or enjoying anything. Any tips? What do you all do when you're having a bad moment or day?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 4:27pm
That's the hard part...how to enjoy doing something when all you can think about is how much you hurt.

Here are some things that have helped me:

1. Talk on the phone...I have one friend that I've been able to confide in and she's been an incredible support.

2. Started taking a stained glass class. This is something I wanted to do but didn't ever take the time. Again, it was my friend that helped me realize that now was the time to do it and even took the class with me.

3. Read. "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Peter McWilliams has been somewhat helpful. Otherwise, I've tried to read interesting non-love-story books. I've been enjoying Lee Child and David Baldacci lately.

4. Catch up with friends that I haven't communicated with for a while. It's even kind of nice to have to put up a front of being happy since most of these people would be appalled if they understood that you were unhappy because you'd had an affair.

5. Sleep. When all else fails, I take a nap. Sometimes things just look better after a rest. (Unfortunately I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed or unhappy so this doesn't always work.)

6. Make a list. This was recommended to me by my therapist. Make a list of the bad things about the affair. It's amazing how many things were negative but I was letting the "good" things overshadow the bad. It's also amazing how quick I was to justify his "bad" actions by thinking that he only did those things because of the "situation." Maybe that's true, but the whole point is that there were a lot of things about the relationship that were making me unhappy.

7. Make another list. This list should be things that you truly are..your authentic self. I have been amazed at how I've let myself change because of this relationship. For example, I'm a confident, independent woman...but haven't acted that way during the end of this affair.

Good luck.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 5:51pm
workout, watch a good movie, get my nails done and/or pedicure, talk to a good friend, play with my children, decorate my house, look at my comfortable life and remind myself that XOM and his lover live in a dumpy place, volunteer work, pray, pray , pray, cook, bake, read, clean......come spring I will be in my garden......it isn't easy...i still have my days.....somehow I get through them. It is so much easier then in the beginning.....

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 6:56pm
Go to the gym and work your butt off, stay away from the cheese cake, it helps but then it's back to the gym.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:30am
I usually find it helps to surround myself with people, no matter who it is. Either being with poeple at work, calling a friend, or I'll get together with my sister. I have gotten back in contact with some old friends that I haven't spoken to in a long time, which is nice. I talk to my mom a lot too, I am lucky because she knows the whole situation. Sometimes when I'm really lonely and every one seems busy, I'll just hop online and talk to everyone and anyone just to keep my mind busy. I also find getting out of the house helps a lot also, even if at first I don't want to, once I'm out and doing something I usually feel better. And when all else fails, I just let myself be sad and cry it out. Sometimes a good cry is what I need to get it out of my system and feel better. Everyone says it gets better with time, and I'm sure it will, but sometimes I think that even though it will get better, it will always be part of me and something that remains in my head forever. I guess those are the things that we "pick up" throughout our lives that make us who we are.