what does it mean - please explain

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
what does it mean - please explain
3
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 1:57pm
What does it mean when you talk to your XMM one day(after you have called it quits)and he is so nice and tells you he was thinking about you and then three days later he doesn't want to talk to you. I was the one who brought it up that we shouldn't do this anymore and hewanted to call me the next day but didn't. I called him and he was a jerk. A week later I called back and that is when he was nice to me. Then three days later - does not want to talk. He asked why I wanted to talk to him and I asked why he was being so mean. He responded with "I don't know". What does that mean? please someone explain. That was the last time we spoke (6 weeks ago). He didn't call back. How can someone want to talk to you and then 3 days later not want to talk to you and what does "I don't know " mean?

I hate that I keep rehashing that last phonecall and I should not think of that as being the last time we really spoke. The last real conservation we had was when he said he was thinking about me and I should just remember that. I know - I need to not worry about that and believe me I am much better than when I was here four weeks ago. If I could just walk away with a little something that makes me feel better. I know I don't deserve to feel better but any ounce of pride would be good for me. He made me feel like I was chasing him and he didn't want anything to do with me during the last phone call. Move on - I know
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anonymous user
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 4:51pm


It overall means he really cares for you, genuinely missed you. The reason for "come here, go away" mixed messages is he was genuinely confused...clearly would like to be with you but then, faced with reality, knew it was all wrong, unacceptable. In addition, you were reminding him that it was "unacceptable." Either way, the man could not win...saw (and treated) you as one of those carnival ball-throwing game attendants who kept/keeps giving reasons why the "ball thrower" (even though he followed all the rules, won it fair & square) could not win the giant hanging stuffed teddy bear...

Look, I pulled that "come here, go away" stunt with my xOM; I did not do it on purpose...just hated having the chocolate cake laid out in front of me and could never have it. I AM MARRIED (and plan on obtaining divorce but not to be with OM). I blew off xOM countless times but the truth of the matter is when I did that, I really loved him, really did. He complained he could not win...neither could I. Several times (towards the end) when I did blow him off...I did it with the assumption that I was gradually letting him go, did not want (forced myself) to get too attached. By that time, made it easier for me to sneak out the back door (changed the cell number, etc..). I did love him (and probably still do) but bottom line is/was: the relationship was a LOSING PROPOSITION...everyone's a loser. In all, I made the best decision for everyone involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 8:14pm
something happens to bright, compassionate, loving, articulate women when we get involved in an A -- we become 13 all over again. Get through the pain and you will come through the other side - just like in jr. high (or middle school). You'll come through a stronger, braver, wiser and less judgmental person.

There is life after an A -- my life has become better & better & better since I ended my A about 18 mos. ago. You go through the hurt stage, anger stage, I'm an idiot stage, you name it but eventually you realize, my life is simpler, happier and just all around better.

you'll get there. in the meantime, don't act on any of your foolish thoughts - just experience them, examine them & discard them. And calling your MM ever again is one of the most foolish thoughts. don't seek out opportunities to feel like an idiot again. don't give him that power one more time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 8:42pm

"How can someone want to talk to you and then 3 days later not want to talk to you and what does "I don't know " mean?"


Because it finally sinks in that his xOW really wanted no