What does the OW deserve when ending A.
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What does the OW deserve when ending A.
| Sat, 11-06-2004 - 10:51am |
I am ending the affair today for the last time. I am gettin off the fence, and woking on my marriage with my DW. I have told the OW several times in the past it is over, but it never really was, since I continued to talk to her. The last time was two weeks ago, told her I was going to work on the M, but wasn't sure it would work. (something to keep her tagging along). So of course she e-mailed as friends then the phone calls started. Now it has to end. Does she deserve a phone call or meeting to let her know again it is over? I kept her hooked but do I need to tell her not to call, or should the NC start now, cold turkey. I don't want to talk to her again, it is very difficult to slip into that feeling that maybe I shouldn't completely end it, and this time I want it to end. I have to be strong and devote my effort to my W. Start counseling again. Put as much distance between the me and the OW as possible. Do I owe the OW anything? My W. says NO. and I believe that's the way it should end. Abruptly. Completely. NC. Give the marraiage a chance.

Good luck,
Me
JMHO
This is all you need to say. Then block her IMs and emails. If you have been contacting each other on a cell phone, have the number changed. She will soon get the message that this time you are serious about ending it. Your wife will feel comforted that you have truly set-up a no contact situation.
Then stick with it. The worse thing you can do is to keep stringing along your wife and your OW. Be a man for heaven's sake and stick by your decision.
I TOTALLY AGREE!!!! Follow everything that iv says in this post Fantasy.
What you owe the OW is the dignity of letting her go. Of course, she should be told, which it sounds like you did. Other than that, you don't really "owe" her anything other than respecting your own decision and her feelings. NC is the ONLY way to accomplish this. If you cared about this woman at all, stay away from her and let her live her life while you live yours.
I have frequently felt that XMM must have thought I had some psychotic episode back in February. I mean, how do you go from telling someone that you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, to telling them its over and meaning it. I know he believed I'd change my mind - he told me "you'll be back." I told him that if it was meant to be, it would be.
In those first few weeks after we broke up, he sent me several gifts, left voice messages, sent text messages - none of which I responded to. I feared that I was not only being psychotic, but rude as well. When someone sends a gift you thank them for it or at least acknowledge the gesture, right? Wrong. He was being manipulative by setting up a situation be believed would force me to contact him so he could make another pitch for the A.
I'm glad I handled things the way I did. I do not believe I got "closure," whatever that is, except that for the most part this man is out of my life and, on good days, out of my thoughts as well.
So what do you owe the OW? Not much, really. Just don't string her along, as the other posted advised as well. You owe her not to keep popping up in her life and sending mixed messages. Now that you've told her your decision, don't create any confusion for her. Just let her go. JMHO. Best of luck. Love, Mo.
Very Good Fantasy..... Make sure that you are open and honest with your wife regarding any and all communication with the OW.