As I was reading this thread I thought yep, great idea so stupid the chances I took, my life could have been more ruined than it is now.
But as I was typing the memory was a fond/funny one too. But mostly STUPID and SELFISH, giving up a Saturday with my family to cheat, lie, and steal time from another family.
Just plain STUPID AND SELFISH, no matter how "fond" the memory is painted in my mind the TRUTH is that it was BETRAYAL of everything I held dear, everything I said was the most important in my life, my husband, my children, my integrity, my self-respect, just gone for WHAT? A few minutes of pleasure and an ego boost?
xMM needed a fix on the weekend. We each drove 30 min to meet at grocery store to "shop" together. What was the harm? We needed groceries, our spouses would be happy we did the errand. All went well until he touched my hand and the chemistry kicked in. Next thing I know we are in my (so not sexy) mini-van having sex atop toys/sporting equiptment/groceries, one seat was out but xMM still had to keep his entire head under the third seat...there I was in the crowded parking lot of a grocery store, in my mini-van, having sex with a faceless man in 100 degree heat (we forgot to roll any windows down).
It was exciting at the moment, but it was on the drive home that the dizziness and nausia of the heat, because I was too blind to have a guilt then) made me pull over and throw up from heat exhaustion.
When I got home, I had to toss out most of the groceries so as not to poison my family, and spent the rest of the day in bed with a headache. (sarcasm) Ah, those were good times! SOOOOO STUPID!!!
I was in no way offended or upset, nor did I question you good intentions, the point was simply that effect the thread was having seemed to swinging in the direction of drawing post affair women to look on a very self-destructive period in there lives with nostolgia (sp)
I am truly sorry for all you went through with your H, it must have been very hard, I can only assume that he had some sort of emotional illness and that the times he was hard on yopu were a result of it.
I do question based on your previous posts XOM friendship, from what you have said his motivations seemed more narssistic then friendly, but that is just a third party opinion.
There is one major differnce between you and most of the posters and that is that you have lost your husband and can't backslide into a affair being single, this could happen to others all to easly and that was my only concern.
You did not need anyone to stick up for you because you were never under attact, I was only expressing a genuine concern about the thread.
No problemo - I knew it wasn't your intent to make anyone feel bad. I understood Free's point too.
<<>>
Don't apologize to me! Lot's of things make me miss xOM - I just need to learn how to deal with my feelings. There will always be things that remind me of him - I need to be able to be reminded w/o slipping back (which I have done successfully for a whopping 3 weeks now!)
30lbs?? Wow - that's great! I lost 35 in the last 2 years, but mine was diet related :-) - had to look killer in that white dress, ya know!!
<<>>
It depends on the day...most days I feel ok. Therapy is helping. I had a bad day last week (Thursday) and I still miss him terribly, but I'm finding it easier not to pick up the phone and call him. When I start to feel bad, I try to think of what a jerk he has been over the past few months. I ask myself, even if he wanted me back, how could I go back and trust him?? How would I know that he wouldn't do this again? Is that really the kind of life I want??
I was at a party last night and one friend who actually met xOM said, "I know I only met him once, but he seemed like a selfish pri&*! Look what you have w/H - most women would kill to have someone like him. He may not give you the verbal compliments you want, but if you gained 100lbs, shaved your head and let your leg hair grow long enough to braid it, he will still be there for you, he would still think you are beautiful, and he would still love you. Would xOM?? That's unconditional love!"
I agree with Free's post! As I was reading these passionate memories about "crazy" special times with XOM or XMM, I thought, they sound like a bunch of heroin addicts reliving how good it felt to shoot up. The most honest post was the one that remembered the rest of it, lying to hubby, worrying about the kid who spotted them.
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Free
As I was reading this thread I thought yep, great idea so stupid the chances I took, my life could have been more ruined than it is now.
But as I was typing the memory was a fond/funny one too. But mostly STUPID and SELFISH, giving up a Saturday with my family to cheat, lie, and steal time from another family.
Just plain STUPID AND SELFISH, no matter how "fond" the memory is painted in my mind the TRUTH is that it was BETRAYAL of everything I held dear, everything I said was the most important in my life, my husband, my children, my integrity, my self-respect, just gone for WHAT? A few minutes of pleasure and an ego boost?
Thanks for keeping us Honest!!!
Hope
Dumbest Ever:
xMM needed a fix on the weekend. We each drove 30 min to meet at grocery store to "shop" together. What was the harm? We needed groceries, our spouses would be happy we did the errand. All went well until he touched my hand and the chemistry kicked in. Next thing I know we are in my (so not sexy) mini-van having sex atop toys/sporting equiptment/groceries, one seat was out but xMM still had to keep his entire head under the third seat...there I was in the crowded parking lot of a grocery store, in my mini-van, having sex with a faceless man in 100 degree heat (we forgot to roll any windows down).
It was exciting at the moment, but it was on the drive home that the dizziness and nausia of the heat, because I was too blind to have a guilt then) made me pull over and throw up from heat exhaustion.
When I got home, I had to toss out most of the groceries so as not to poison my family, and spent the rest of the day in bed with a headache. (sarcasm) Ah, those were good times! SOOOOO STUPID!!!
Hope
Mefree,
I am sorry if I offended you or anyone else on this board by this thread.
sc
Thanks Diva for trying to stick up for me.
sc
UHG
I was in no way offended or upset, nor did I question you good intentions, the point was simply that effect the thread was having seemed to swinging in the direction of drawing post affair women to look on a very self-destructive period in there lives with nostolgia (sp)
I am truly sorry for all you went through with your H, it must have been very hard, I can only assume that he had some sort of emotional illness and that the times he was hard on yopu were a result of it.
I do question based on your previous posts XOM friendship, from what you have said his motivations seemed more narssistic then friendly, but that is just a third party opinion.
There is one major differnce between you and most of the posters and that is that you have lost your husband and can't backslide into a affair being single, this could happen to others all to easly and that was my only concern.
You did not need anyone to stick up for you because you were never under attact, I was only expressing a genuine concern about the thread.
Free
sc
UHG,
<<>>
No problemo - I knew it wasn't your intent to make anyone feel bad. I understood Free's point too.
<<>>
Don't apologize to me! Lot's of things make me miss xOM - I just need to learn how to deal with my feelings. There will always be things that remind me of him - I need to be able to be reminded w/o slipping back (which I have done successfully for a whopping 3 weeks now!)
Diva
Woohoo! Go Diva, Go Diva!
sc
UHG -
30lbs?? Wow - that's great! I lost 35 in the last 2 years, but mine was diet related :-) - had to look killer in that white dress, ya know!!
<<>>
It depends on the day...most days I feel ok. Therapy is helping. I had a bad day last week (Thursday) and I still miss him terribly, but I'm finding it easier not to pick up the phone and call him. When I start to feel bad, I try to think of what a jerk he has been over the past few months. I ask myself, even if he wanted me back, how could I go back and trust him?? How would I know that he wouldn't do this again? Is that really the kind of life I want??
I was at a party last night and one friend who actually met xOM said, "I know I only met him once, but he seemed like a selfish pri&*! Look what you have w/H - most women would kill to have someone like him. He may not give you the verbal compliments you want, but if you gained 100lbs, shaved your head and let your leg hair grow long enough to braid it, he will still be there for you, he would still think you are beautiful, and he would still love you. Would xOM?? That's unconditional love!"
Hmmmm....
Diva
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