What a fool

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
What a fool
9
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 7:34am

I'd like to ask you smart, wonderful women for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 9:57am
Hi whatwasithinking,

I know it hurts, you did the right things by blocking all ways of communicating though. Read here as often as you can, read the Healing Library as well I find it to be very helpful. What, i was married to an alcholic too and I think I know a little of what you are feeling. Going to councelling is excellant, I was so far into the fog for so many years that councelling was a starting point for me to change. I made alot of bad choices along the way having an affair was the breaking point. But if you seek out all the healthy support you can receive you will benefit so much and your children will as well. When they see a healthy Mom making good choices they will be able to see a different way of living.

Take care and big hugs to you:)

Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:07am

WWWM, I wish I could just hold you right now and tell you it will be alright. There are no judgements passed here, so this is a very safe place to be honest.

We have all been in your shoes, sweetie. That's why we are here. We were all looking for some type of validation, escape or other "feel good." We are just hurt human beings. We are not perfect. We don't make perfect choices. Unfortunately, we are made to suffer the consequences of our desperation.

This is a place where you will find lots of resources and tools to help you put the pieces of yourself back together. The best advice I can give you is to read everything. You will find some posts that you can really relate to. There is a lot of wisdom here. I'm sure you know there is a process to getting beyond the self destructive behavior we participated in. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to embrace the process. There will be horrible ups and downs as you move further and further away from the A. (kinda like being in the A, huh?) Have faith in this process and try to heed the loving advice that comes from the vets.

Before you can do anything about your home life and M, you need to work on building back up your self esteem and self worth. It will come with time and hard work. When you feel strong again, you will be able to deal with the other issues in your life. For right now, though, the most important thing is to take care of yourself, both on the outside and inside.

Stay here and let us all give you the support you need. I know there are a lot of lurkers who glean much strength from reading. For me, I also gain an enormous amount of strength by posting. So if you are comfortable with that, please feel free to post your heart out.

Sending you strength and a cyber hug,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:18am

Hi And Welcome to a loving healing place where you will be nurtured and cared for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:23am

Hi,

First off, change your moniker!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:35am

WIWWM,

Ah, honey, take a break on beating yourself up, okay? Many of us have had big red flags we ignored and have performed those "I could never tell anyone what I did" moments, but you brought it here and for this I am proud of you. Exposing ourselves opens up the road to accountability, and as painful as this will be, it jump starts our integrity back into operation.

With that said, "Welcome to EAS," and I hope you have pulled up a chair and are trying to make yourself comfortable with your new surroundings. We have heard it all, done it all, and are still living, breathing proof that there is life after an A. Have you dipped your toes into our Healing Library yet? There is so much information there, you may be overwhelmed at first, but keep plugging along and try to absorb it, if only in little increments.

Try to understand too, that your M is an entirely separate issue from your A. Sure, it may have led to having an A, but these are two different animals, both of which need attention and discipline. First, by ending your A, you will have to heal from the wounds that it has caused. You got a taste of the A highs, but unfortunately it was laced with a hallucinogenic drug, so the more you ingested, the more your body craved it. You are feeling those withdrawals now, but understand we have all gone through this. Give it 3 weeks for it to leave your system enough for you to feel some relief. This means, of course, total NC. Any little snort will have you reeling again from it's affects and you'll just have to go through it all over again.

Okay, your XMM duped you, but if we are really honest with ourselves, we willingly set ourselves up to BE DUPED. We cannot lay blame on the XAP for our shortcomings and misconceptions. There is NO quick fix to RL problems. They have to be faced and dealt with prior to engaging in any questionable behavior that could bury us even deeper. So, back to square one....

Give yourself time to heal, then continue on with either fixing your M or getting out of it. I walked away from an abusive H when I was 6 months pregnant and had a 2 year old. I was lucky my parents took me back in, so if you have a support system in the RW (real world), let them help you. If you don't, then start putting one in place. If your H dosen't get with the program, then he needs to know that you and the kids will not be sticking around...but that is for another time. Right now you need to get healthy again so you can think rationally and productively.

We are here for you. We will help you get through the next few months with understanding and compassion, as long as you are also willing to move your heart/mind away from XMM and the A.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 10:37am

Hello and welcome,

Chile pleeze....no judgement here, we only ask that if you are here and posting that you have ended your affair. Not that you will do it perfectly or do it the first time....not all of us do, but that you are committed to the effort, a true one, of ending your A. We are all guilty of things you described, your story is all too familiar around here. You will not be the first, second or 3rd who have come here after meeting someone on website and then hooking up. So lay all those fears aside.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 11:27am

Oh thank you, thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 4:50pm
We can help you with that crushing sadness. If I haven't already welcomed you, then let me do so now. "Welcome and know that you belong here, and we are now here for you." Post, read, vent, and learn. Strength is in numbers and we have all been where you are right now. I would also like to say how proud I am of you for breaking off all channels of communication. You see? There is a large part of your dignity still intact and honey, I don't care how you busted the A bubble...just that you did. ;-)

(((Hugs)))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 6:54pm

Hi!

I can just imagine what you are going through: