What Happened? Struggling with WHY

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
What Happened? Struggling with WHY
8
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 10:37pm

I have been here before over the last year or so. It's been a rollercoaster year of emotional extreme highs and very dark lows. I saw sides of myself that I never knew existed, both good and bad. Tonight I sit here in tears, again, struggling with why it seems to have suddenly ended, where did he go? I knew it couldn't last for so many reasons and maybe I didn't want it to yet but I am grieving for something

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 11:24pm

If you've been reading here you already know your story is VERY much like the rest of ours.


The hot/cold behavior seems to be the norm, but if you've been reading here you probably have already seen that. He warms up when he wants something... and ignores when he doesn't.


We all struggle with "Why" they do that, but when we dig deep and see the situation for what it really is, we have the answers...and they're painful to face. It hurts to feel used and discarded, but it sounds like that's what he was doing...


I'm sorry you're hurting, but you can end it :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 12:53am

It's sad, but he's not there for you because he doesn't have to be. You are cake on the side and all the pretty words are just the icing. The words are just for the moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 7:32am

Hi there
unfortunately your replies so far are right, I myself have just been through the same... I'm on day 3 of NC and the penny has finally dropped with me.

I'm still hurting over how he could treat me like he has, but when I take a step back the answers are staring me in the face really.

I hope you're doing ok at this awful time, I too am MW and a mum so I know it's hard to carry on as normal at home when you're hurting so much on the inside. I'm not sure where our future lies but time will tell, I'm just giving everything chance to settle down at the mo as it's still abit raw. I confided in a friend last week which helped, and I increased my anti depressants to help me through... I had been coming off them but needs must.

Take care of you x

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 9:34am
Thank you so much for all your replies and support. It was nice to wake up to read. Again, this morning I was hoping to turn on my phone and there would be a message but nothing. Its so hard to keep the tears in when you are a mom and married and have to keep up the "everything is great" image at home. Instead I feel lifeless inside. I feel like I gave so much of myself - the real me - and one minute, he is loving it and I feel like the hottest, most amazing woman and earth and then I'm ignored and can't help blaming myself, wondering is something is wrong with me, why wasn't I enough, did I do something. I guess I can't get my mind around someone not caring when I thought they did. How could they just disappear. I guess
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 10:03am
Hey, Kelugirl...you're not alone in your struggles.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 10:50am

Kelugirl!


In your first post you mentioned that he doesn't make contact very often as it is, so why are you thinking he's just disappeared? He'll be back around when he wants his ego boost or more. What's important to understand is whether you are going to continue being his fall back girl when he's bored or wants something. You have to make the decision to end this, and checking your phone for a message from him isn't saying that you have.


It's time to block and walk, my friend. This dysfunctional cycle will continue for as long as you remain his shadow girl. He knows you are there in the background, yet has no intention of bringing you out of the shadows and into the daylight.


The choise is yours, honey. Yes, you will miss the small crumbs he does toss out, but this is a very unhealthy diet that is not only hurting you, but your family as well.


((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 2:32pm

Greetings~


My xap went nc without warning. I was left with incredible pain and nothing but questions and how could he do this to me?? kind of stuff...


I broke his nc after one month because why he would do that without a goodbye (I thought he cared about me blah blah blah) was eating me up. He said the guilt got to him (he's m/kids) and he thought I wanted more from him than he could offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 6:13pm

As painful as it is to hear all of your stories, it really does help to know that there is hope with time. Thanks for sharing with me. I very much appreciate it.


I give so much, I care so much and I was so willinging to put myself out there - I never thought I would be ignored. That hurts the most. I always look for the good in people, I haven't been an angel in this situation, but I didn't think I'd be treated this way. I probably will never know the answers as to WHY so I am hoping to move forward, to have learned and to pick myself up again and find true happiness somehow.