What Is He Doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
What Is He Doing?
4
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:53pm
Hi Ladies,

First, thank you for your support the other night after MM dumped my sorry butt. That was probably one of the hardest nights I've had. It was hard enough that he dumped me b/c he's a jerk of the highest order, but even more so b/c he blocked me afterward like he wanted to complete erase me from his life altogether (I know Free - I should have taken that as a good thing).

Well, after telling me we were done & that everything was all my fault b/c I totally freaked him out & cutting me out, he emailed me the very next morning to talk about my miscarriage (and no Free H doesn't know). He told me how sorry he was that I went thru that alone. To which I responded (stupid stupid me) that I know we are done, but I hoped that after all the crap we'd been thru that we would at least remain friends. We emailed for awhile & then he said "I'm just at a point where I'm totally freaked out. I'm sorry." We didn't email again...until he emailed me the next day with some friendly crap about how he's always thought I was such a good writer (in regard to my work product). This kind of completely neutral emailing has gone on the last few days. I told him how I had told my therapist about all the upsetness I had been thru & that I was planning to work on making me happy for me and NOT him. To which he replied "I know. Don't make yourself crazy about it (the upsetness). It's just as much you as it is me." Then the next day he writes about my new vehicle.

What is he doing? He's made such a big deal about us being done, about how freaked out he is about us and yet he emails me every day in an effort to save our "friendship." Why? What could possibly be the point? He ended it, he doesn't want to continue our A and yet he's emailing me more often than my best friend does. It hurts to get his emails b/c it constantly reopens the pain of how he ended it, but I can't block him b/c he emails my old school account and there's no blocking option. I can't bring myself not to read them b/c I'm too curious and too pathetic.

Meanwhile, things w/my H are pretty bad. I stayed at my mom's the other night after he asked me to leave. Then he asked me to come back, but just basically ignores me.

I'm sorry for this pity party - I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 11:10pm
Blue

Im going to keep this breif so as not to take up to much of your time.

CLOSE THE OLD SCHOOL E-MAIL ACCOUNT, problem solved.

XMM is being the narrsist your T told you he is, he is plain and simply keeping his hooks in so he can continue to have power over your life, no big mystery here. Oh and sooner or later he will want to demanstrate that power in a pysical way.

If there is a mystery it is what level of pain will you absorb, how big a price will you pay before you really have had enough of this A$$HOLE and do what it is going to take to be rid of him.

But that is really up to you no body else can say uncle for you.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 9:25am
BEBG,

Hi there.

I have been reading your post and thought I might be able to help just a teeny tiny bit. Free pointed out to me that our guys have something in common...narcissism. I posted last night regarding how my XMM was acting and she told me to read your post and notice the similarities of the way these guys act. You may want to take a gander and see so you know you aren't alone when dealing with a narcissist. They are maddening and easily manipulate.

Just thought I would share. Your post really helped me to see things clearer. So you helped w/o even knowing it.

Just wanted to try and return the favor.

Take care,

Need2

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:13pm
Hello Blueeyes

Someone who ends things stays away if they truly mean it, To me it sounds like he was freaked when things got bad and now this is his way of trying to hold on to you. The "FRIENDS" issue. I can tell you up until now after a 3.5 year affair it has never worked for eighther one of us. Things between my OM and I have been over for, Mon will make 8 weeks and just the other day I received an e-mail from him with a Picture of him. Just trying to see how I was. I was told that is a way of staying in tune with me, up until now I have not responded to him and he has not e-mailed me anymore. I guess he has gotten the message. Keeping in touch only prolongs the agony. Just my two cents worth. I hope you are doing well.

Take Care.....

Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 2:37pm
I have spent the last while reading these messages, which until up to a few days ago, i never did. I see that all these relationships with MM are all so similar. They want you, then they dont, then they do, then they dont. They have their holier than thow days, and then their "I want you bad days". And when you try to run away, they seem to want you even more. If you think about it, they really have it made, and they have us wrapped around their little fingers. My boss at work, who is divorced recently told me, dont get attached.. if you have to have a fling, then do it, but dont get attached, and I am starting to understand what he is saying.

Thanks for all your comments. I actually feel better knowing that MM and A's are not really much different from one to the next. I am a little ticked to see that they are all the same, but in the same breath I think I can be stronger because of all your comments.