What a HUGE mistake it all was

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
What a HUGE mistake it all was
3
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:19am
My affair is definitely over. Unfortunately, I am also now separated from my H. And what I realize about it all is that it was one big mistake. I know why it happened. I was unhappy. My H was emotionally distant, had no sex drive and drinking heavily. I did try for a long time to work on things, but it wasn't helping. Then I met him. I wish I hadn't. What did I really gain from it? Sure, it's exciting at first. But after awhile, the lies and deceptions and sneaking around and craziness take it's toll on you. Instead of focusing attention on someone else, I wish I had been making a bigger effort to get through to my H. I just got tired and gave up. And lured away by the lie that all affairs are. Do I think I'm a terrible person? No. Do I think that he's a terrible person for cheating on his wife? No. I realize that we are all human and make mistakes. I don't harbor ill will towards my OM. I also harbor no more romantic fantasies about it all, either. It's easy to get swept away in the whole thing. But it's just an escape. An addiction. And like all addictions, ultimately destructive. I don't miss him, though I thought I would. I don't wonder if he's thinking about me, though I used to. And I wish I could say that I don't regret it, but I do. It is my deepest hope that my H and I will eventually be able to work things out and stay together. What I say to any of you that still have a marriage that's intact...get out while you can. Stop all this nonsense. Affairs are not "real". They are not fair to the others that are involved and don't even know it. They are not even fun after awhile. You may think that the two of you are in love. That you're "soul mates". Etc., etc. But it's easy to think someone is a soul mate when you don't have to pick up their dirty laundry or listen to them snore or any of the hundred other things that you do when you're with someone for years. Every relationship is all dreamy in the beginning. But an affair never really shows you the other person. Just a part of them. I know that I will never do something like this again, whether my H and I stay together or not. It just ain't worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 2:32am
Silly

ALL SO TRUE

And Welcome to the board stay a while.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 8:50am

Silly,


We ALL need to read that post over and over. I think you are right on the money, and I also wish I had never gotten into this mess. Thanks for the affirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Congratulations on ending your affair, and I truly hope you and your husband are able to work things out. :)

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 12:00am
Wow, your story sounded so much like my own. My husband was distant and drank too much and by the time we separated it was too late. I no longer had any feelings for him and I was totally wrapped up in my affair. I also feel it was a mistake, and one I would never repeat. You gain absolutely nothing from it and the hurt goes on forever.

I pray that you can get back together with your husband and work it all out.

Hugs, Maria