What I did to feel better today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
What I did to feel better today.
13
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 5:29pm

Perhaps we could share what we do to stop or even feel less pain.


This is what I did today as a step towards healing :


1.Gave my DH a VDay card. I felt like a fraud, but did it anyway. Later I felt better when I saw how happy he was.


2.Cleaned the house - I could hardly bring myself to wake up this morning, but got it done.


3.Eat a big bar of sinful chocolate :-)


4.Blocked xEAP from two IMs. Don't know if I can stick with it, but at least right now, I feel empowered.


5.Right now watching winter olympics with DH and son.


6.Read up all I can in this board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 5:57pm

gal~

What a fantastic post!!! Hopefully we can all gain something new :)

What did I do the last day to stop or feel less pain??

1. I played with my golden retriever puppy, and just absolutely enjoyed being in the moment, laughing at his playful innocence and mischief.

2. I talked on the phone to my H, who is away at work, and we really talked and listened to what each other was saying - again, just enjoyed those moments without thinking about anything else that was going on.

3. I remained as calm as I possibly could, all day. When I began feeling a little 'wobbly', I took a couple of long, centering deep breaths and said to myself "You are ok" and smiled to myself :)

4. I spent alot of time putting together a photo book from my DD's 13th birthday party - didn't think about xAP or A at all, the whole time. Felt great.

5. I told myself, while dressing up for my newphew's christening, that I was making myself beautiful for ME...for me only (it would've been for my H too but he is away at work). I am still struggling with that one, as the whole year last year seemed to revolve around dressing for xAP all the time, every day. And I loved that 'fix' so much, cos he so often commented about my clothes, what I wore, and how I looked so beautiful all the time (shallow yes, I know!) So now, I am really working on that and reminding myself all the time that it's for me and my DH, the people that matter the most!

Thanks gal~ for starting this post xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 11:05pm
today is my first day. i emailed my xap and told him it was over and to never contact me in any way ever again.
i came here to get some sanity and clarity and i saw your post. so i did what you did. i went to the store and bought my husband a Valentine's Day Card and a tiny gift. I felt numb, but he was pleased, and that pleased me.
i did two loads of laundry. i listened to Bryan Lee--the blues always speaks to my soul. i came and posted here--which took guts since i have tried and failed here once before. i thought about where i was a year ago when i came here raw and bleeding and lost. this time, i have a year of therapy behind me. this time i believe i can survive it. this time i am not thinking that i have lost everything. i am thinking that no matter what, i still have ME, and despite all the mistakes and f*ck-ups i have caused, i am still a pretty amazing person. thank you for your post. it helped me today.
lillie
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 11:35pm
WOW!! Lillie! I am humbled! I am so glad my post helped - even if just a little. I am 2 days into NC - very raw and very much in pain. But I am somehow sure we will all make it as stronger, better individuals. ((HUGS)).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 6:43pm

Gal,
today was an all-out, no-holds-barred, bottom-of-the-barrel
SH!TTY day, and i did not do nearly as well with the list i planned to continue on "what i did to feel better today",but i wanted to tell you this:
i laughed at myself today. in spite of all the pain and drama, and missing xap (that sob)--i had this moment of clarity. i said to myself, "You are upset, and hurt and even shocked because a married man who cheated on his spouse with you for two years LIED TO YOU??!!" i gave myself the mental equivalent of the B*tch-slap and cracked the first smile i had all day.
I am considering today day 1 of NC. I'll be your friend if you'll be mine. :)
Lillie

ps: i actually bought a little notebook and wrote down the "things i did to feel better today" last night and plan to continue until i have reached the holy grail of indifference. some days will, i predict, be pretty dismal, but maybe it will help me to see progress. thank you for being you and for being here.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 7:14pm

Lillie - today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 1:19am

I went to the gym and attended the kick boxing class. During that full hour, I did'nt think about him at all. Made me feel a lot better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 3:29am

go gal go!!
i went to the gym today, too. and i kept breathing, didn't stop once all day. i know i am really stretching here for things, but hey, i made it another day.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2010
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 4:10am

lillie~ and gal~

You girls are doing an awesome job, you should be so proud of yourselves! Yes a good hard workout can do wonders - I went for a 45 minute hard run around the river this morning and it felt sooo good.

Keep going, and believe believe believe in what you're doing - you CAN do it :) You will get there, to that point where life doesn't really seem that bad after all.

Love and hugs

Be Strong xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 11:25pm

ahh, the wonderful encouragement of you ladies makes my stress melt away...thank you.
what i did to feel better today:
i got a massage
i got my hair done
i didn't cry once today--at least not yet :)
i got a straight-up talkin-to from my therapist today who told me "your xap is a PREDATOR." My resolve is hardening into cement, girls. Really and truly. It still hurts, but i am NEVER NEVER going back. This time is the charm, and you can quote me on that.

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 1:11am

Good for you Lillie! We won't let you waver from your resolve. Stay strong!


I spent the morning playing with my son, took the day off and cooked. Just came back from dinner with family friends. A good day by any standards.

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