what I did while I was struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
what I did while I was struggling
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 2:23pm

So some of you know not only did i quit AP but i also quit smoking around the same time. What I've come to learn is he is a huge smoking trigger for me go figure. I can be fine for days, throw him in the mix and I want to smoke like I've never quit. It doesn't have to be him physically either, thinking hearing stuff, anything really. I also have a food prob, i comfort eat always have, if you saw me you wouldn't really think I'm overweight but I'm up twenty lbs, mostly gained since June when "we" decided to actually make it real. So i was comfort eating and smoking like a darn chimney cuz I've been that stressed since he told me he wanted real life with me.

Ok so and boy does this bite my butt the winter before this I was on a strict workout eat right regime i put myself on. I was so addicted to exercise i went twice a day alot. I also won a fairly large amount of money in a contest to loose the most body fat. I looked great,i felt great health wise And I loved to exercise. I wasn't all that great mentally but that was before he decided we were going for real. Wow writing this makes me see how much finally hearing i was going to get what i wanted actually messed me up and honestly wasn't the point of this post but I'll get to that.

So today i was sitting here wanting to open the chat, wanting to contact him and DYING for a smoke... I went to the gym and put on my favorite fu music and i ran till my legs were jello. I'm still angry, i would reallylike punch him in the head HARD but i don't want a smoke and I'll be darned if i open that chat EFF that guy!!

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 2:39pm

Excellent!   Do they have a punching bag in your gym?  Would they mind if you drew a face on it and designated it JAM?

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 3:01pm
Lol idk maybe in the free weight room but i never go in there. I just kept telling myself there's no better revenge then living well, ok I'm sure I won't stay angry forever but right now i am very angry and I hope i can manage to avoid him until i don't care at all and he sees me happy. I'm gonna fake this crap till i make it darn it, he never thought I'd leave, prob still doesn't I WILL PROVE HIM WRONG. Oh and get this yesterday wife texts me saying he wants to make dinner for all of us, i was at work so i couldn't talk, she calls my h and sets it up, i get home from work and tell h that i don't really feel like it, he says me either i just said ya cuz she's pushy. I sent her a text sorry h and son aren't well we won't be able to make it. Take that you a&$clown!