what I did while I was struggling
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|Sun, 11-18-2012 - 2:23pm|
So some of you know not only did i quit AP but i also quit smoking around the same time. What I've come to learn is he is a huge smoking trigger for me go figure. I can be fine for days, throw him in the mix and I want to smoke like I've never quit. It doesn't have to be him physically either, thinking hearing stuff, anything really. I also have a food prob, i comfort eat always have, if you saw me you wouldn't really think I'm overweight but I'm up twenty lbs, mostly gained since June when "we" decided to actually make it real. So i was comfort eating and smoking like a darn chimney cuz I've been that stressed since he told me he wanted real life with me.
Ok so and boy does this bite my butt the winter before this I was on a strict workout eat right regime i put myself on. I was so addicted to exercise i went twice a day alot. I also won a fairly large amount of money in a contest to loose the most body fat. I looked great,i felt great health wise And I loved to exercise. I wasn't all that great mentally but that was before he decided we were going for real. Wow writing this makes me see how much finally hearing i was going to get what i wanted actually messed me up and honestly wasn't the point of this post but I'll get to that.
So today i was sitting here wanting to open the chat, wanting to contact him and DYING for a smoke... I went to the gym and put on my favorite fu music and i ran till my legs were jello. I'm still angry, i would reallylike punch him in the head HARD but i don't want a smoke and I'll be darned if i open that chat EFF that guy!!