Holy cow! Everything you just said in this post is EXACTLY what I have been thinking about a situation I have been in....I just never had the guts to spell it out! This is word for word about what I am going through.....it brings me some level of comfort to know there are others who feel as I do. Thanks for the post...and for having the guts to actually SAY it. I hope everything works out for you.
I truly believe they DO need us in their lives because without us, their lives are boring and mundane. Having us in their lives makes their marriage to the "comfort" woman tolerable...like a scoop of ice cream on a piece of pie. The pie is good, but the ice cream (with a cherry on top) makes it yummy.
So what were we? We were the cherry on the top and nothing more! The pie is what is normal (boring), so add a little extra on the side, and whalla, the marriage to the "comfort" woman is doable (for awhile). Take the cherry and ice cream off and it's time for something new to feast on.
It all boils down to the same ole thing. We were the option, and never the priority, so all totally worthless and time wasted. Count the hours, days, months, and years of being fogged in and what were they doing? LOL........living their normal lives while we wasted ours.
Throwing away 7 years for me is still a thorn in my side and trying daily to make changes. Yes, still after being out of the A for a year and a half or so, I put myself in misery at times.......not long, but still raises its ugly head.
Xap's were users, and preferred the life they had, but when we came into it, they thought, WTH, go for it, what can it hurt, as it makes me get through my "little" life so much better.
Am I angry or resentful? Damn right I am, but at myself, and not nearly as much as before.
It's a long way back home, but with baby steps, and never falling in that hole again, it's so much better. There's no way to know that unless one goes NC and mean it.
This is all good for me to read...very very good. My MM is saying the same exact things in his current fishing attempts. "I need you in my life in some capacity" I did not know I was in a A initially. I never hid or went to hotel rooms. I was not the secret. I was taken out often, wined and dined, met all his friends, we even threw a party together. N guess what? They all knew he was married...I LOOKED LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT. I am playing hostess and catering to all these men and they know he is married to another. I was never in a hotel with MM. My home or his (which really turned out to be his friends). I even met his kids, he met mine, we went to Dave and Busters...hung out like a little blended family. My dumb a$$ thought I was in a full blown relationship. He is that good. He slept over all the time....apparently they were separated when we met...so he got away with a lot. She was also pregnant when we met, did not know that either...
So you see he came at me hard and he was the perfect gentleman....he was my man, so I thought, and then, once I knew, it was all over...it was as if he was relieved, no more acting, no more performing. I was still taken it out, but I walked with shame and I shuttered at the thought of him touching me. I dealt with him for reasons I had to, but I kept sleeping with him and I did not have to. Broken...so broken. So secret or not. I still felt like $hit.
I say all this to tell you ladies...despite all this, I feel no better, secret or not, I feel crappy and used up. I stuck around after I found out too. I was in shock and hurt and I just stuck around...he promised to leave her, promised to be with me, swore all we had was real.....blah blah blah...
He had others during me and before me. He just had more of a actual relationship with me. He claims I am so special and I am the one person he really would leave his wife for...HA!! what a joke, now he is emailing me telling me to let him figure things out and at the very least be his friend....u have no idea what it has taken to refrain myself from going the hell off on his disgusting self centered ass.....He even tells me he still loves me and you only live once....LOL.
So ladies if its any consolation, I was a cherry too....a sickening one just the same. Somehow it not only comes down to being in a A, it comes down to how you allow a person to treat you, M or not M. That one thing I have learned. I may repost as I gather my thoughts...
this man emails from from new and/or different accounts....the devil does not give up!! He is fervent. I am doing ok tho....I hang in there, he is either going to give up or get TRO licked on him...
My xap told me his W was 'comfort food'.
<<
"I need you in my life,"
I truly believe they DO need us in their lives because without us, their lives are boring and mundane. Having us in their lives makes their marriage to the "comfort" woman tolerable...like a scoop of ice cream on a piece of pie. The pie is good, but the ice cream (with a cherry on top) makes it yummy.
So what were we? We were the cherry on the top and nothing more! The pie is what is normal (boring), so add a little extra on the side, and whalla, the marriage to the "comfort" woman is doable (for awhile). Take the cherry and ice cream off and it's time for something new to feast on.
It all boils down to the same ole thing. We were the option, and never the priority, so all totally worthless and time wasted. Count the hours, days, months, and years of being fogged in and what were they doing? LOL........living their normal lives while we wasted ours.
Throwing away 7 years for me is still a thorn in my side and trying daily to make changes. Yes, still after being out of the A for a year and a half or so, I put myself in misery at times.......not long, but still raises its ugly head.
Xap's were users, and preferred the life they had, but when we came into it, they thought, WTH, go for it, what can it hurt, as it makes me get through my "little" life so much better.
Am I angry or resentful? Damn right I am, but at myself, and not nearly as much as before.
It's a long way back home, but with baby steps, and never falling in that hole again, it's so much better. There's no way to know that unless one goes NC and mean it.
Mish
"what can it hurt"
This is all good for me to read...very very good. My MM is saying the same exact things in his current fishing attempts. "I need you in my life in some capacity" I did not know I was in a A initially. I never hid or went to hotel rooms. I was not the secret. I was taken out often, wined and dined, met all his friends, we even threw a party together. N guess what? They all knew he was married...I LOOKED LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT. I am playing hostess and catering to all these men and they know he is married to another.
I was never in a hotel with MM. My home or his (which really turned out to be his friends). I even met his kids, he met mine, we went to Dave and Busters...hung out like a little blended family. My dumb a$$ thought I was in a full blown relationship. He is that good. He slept over all the time....apparently they were separated when we met...so he got away with a lot. She was also pregnant when we met, did not know that either...
So you see he came at me hard and he was the perfect gentleman....he was my man, so I thought, and then, once I knew, it was all over...it was as if he was relieved, no more acting, no more performing. I was still taken it out, but I walked with shame and I shuttered at the thought of him touching me. I dealt with him for reasons I had to, but I kept sleeping with him and I did not have to. Broken...so broken. So secret or not. I still felt like $hit.
I say all this to tell you ladies...despite all this, I feel no better, secret or not, I feel crappy and used up. I stuck around after I found out too. I was in shock and hurt and I just stuck around...he promised to leave her, promised to be with me, swore all we had was real.....blah blah blah...
He had others during me and before me. He just had more of a actual relationship with me. He claims I am so special and I am the one person he really would leave his wife for...HA!! what a joke, now he is emailing me telling me to let him figure things out and at the very least be his friend....u have no idea what it has taken to refrain myself from going the hell off on his disgusting self centered ass.....He even tells me he still loves me and you only live once....LOL.
So ladies if its any consolation, I was a cherry too....a sickening one just the same. Somehow it not only comes down to being in a A, it comes down to how you allow a person to treat you, M or not M. That one thing I have learned. I may repost as I gather my thoughts...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
BandK,
this man emails from from new and/or different accounts....the devil does not give up!! He is fervent. I am doing ok tho....I hang in there, he is either going to give up or get TRO licked on him...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida