What I miss the LEAST

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
What I miss the LEAST
12
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 1:41pm

It's easy to fixate on all the things we miss about our xAP. But there are far more things to be thankful for not having to deal with anymore, right? YES. So, what thing about your xAP or the A itself are you glad is no longer on your radar?

For me, it's not knowing about his family vacations, and letting them hurt my feelings. Those always hurt the worst for some reason, because he was away from me, with his real loves, having fun. Experiencing things he'd then tell me he wished he could do with me. Whatever dude.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 2:34pm

I love threads like this! It is always best to focus on the positive.  We can keep the negatives close by, but the positives at the forefront.

Thanks for starting this read, Red.  Thrilled to see that you are still on track...and the train track to Tweenerville :)

I hope everyone chimes in on this one.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 4:09pm

Having to listen to his half truths about all he’s doing or not doing in his RL and wondering what is and isn’t the truth.   Drip, drip, drip  (drip feed maneuver with information) and lies of omission.  Don’t miss that at all!

I could actually make quite a list here!

~Sunrise

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 4:11pm

And I don’t miss feeling anxious, scared and fearful all the time.  I don’t miss feeling isolated; I don’t miss lying to others and I don’t miss living in opposition to my core values.

~Sunrise

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 4:41pm
Good ones - me too!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 5:08pm

I don't miss wondering when we are going to talk or see each other again.

I don't miss feeling needy and insecure.

I don't miss feeling like a terrible person for what I am doing.

I don't miss feeling like a doll on a shelf.

I don't miss feeling like h*ll all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 5:21pm

I don't miss waiting for a text or email and then to be upset we I didn't receive one.  I don't miss feeling like I'm on the outside always looking in and last but not least I don't miss the person I was during the A.

Avatar for Sogladitsanewday
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2012
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:24am

This is great Red, thank youSmile

I don't miss being second best.

I don't miss feeling inadequate, sub-standard, inferior.

I don't miss living in his W's shadow.

I don't miss feeling like a prostitute who worked for free.

I don't miss neglecting my children and being absent from their lives.

I don't miss lying.

I don't miss being used.

I don't miss avoiding spending any time with my H to make my xAP happy whilst he was merrily spending oodles of quality time with his W and having fantastic holidays, meals out, day trips, etc with her.

I don't miss cleaning the house from top to bottom including scrubbing skirting boards and polishing ornaments before going to work because he was coming round later because he is very particular and his W is the perfect housewife, and I was trying to be like her, and then having to explain to H why I had cleaned the house like a maniac for no apparant reason (I am not Mrs Housework, totally out of character for me)

I don't miss sneaking off so that I could send xAP amazingly articulate, funny, sexy texts and then waiting for a text back only to be told that he was going to be doing something with his W and would be leaving his phone at home so I wouldn't be hearing from him for the rest of the day.

I could go on and on but that will do for now Smile

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 9:48am

I don't miss wondering when we are going to talk or see each other again.

I don't miss feeling needy.

I don't miss being worried that once his divorce was final (which his wife initiated), he would move on from me because he would otherwise associate me with a very sad time in his life.

I don't miss our one-sided communication which was most always all about him, and little about me and my own marital problems.

I don't miss feeling anxious if he respected me.

I don't miss wondering who & why he was constantly texting and emailing on his cell phone when we were together.

I don't miss kidding myself about any possibility of a happy future together.

I don't miss being where I was, knowing where I needed to be, but choosing to not end my A in exchange for so little gratification.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 1:03pm

Ooh these are good ones. I love reading these. Reminds me how much better my life is without xAP in it, and that our "love" wasn't any different than any other A. How pathetic I was to be sooo into it at one time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 1:04pm
AMEN!

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