I'm not going to say, "duh!" - I'm going to say "thanks!!" Left my A only a week ago, so I'm still really raw. Struggling with NC, of course, and the part in your post about closure is really want I am needing right now.
I struggle with issues with which I'd like to have 'closure' with my xAP; but, I already have closure, right? ending the A and going NC is the best closure ever! I hope that soon I'll have peace, too. The peace that comes when I accept that I am free and don't have to concern myself with a non-real, non-existent relationship's problems. I want to go from vexed, to so-what, to never-crosses-my-mind.
Congrats on nearly six weeks of NC. I am at the same timeline with my NC. I can completely relate to finding fault in the spouse to justify the A. I remember often thinking if only my H was more like XMM then I wouldn't feel the need for XMM's company. Not true at all.
Right on!! The lack of reality and day to day to life with an AP makes it fun! It is an escape from the day to day drudgery. I cannot imagine a typical day with xAP. It would be funny to say the least. I don't know if I could even try to imagine it. I see the part of it being a hobby. It is like a release-a place to escape and live out a fantasy. Where I only had to play a part and not a role. I could be sassy, funny, sexy, romantic..whatever I felt that day. I didn't have to decide on dinner or bills or how to get the kid here or there. Just fun and play.
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I'm not going to say, "duh!" - I'm going to say "thanks!!"
Left my A only a week ago, so I'm still really raw. Struggling with NC, of course, and the part in your post about closure is really want I am needing right now.
I struggle with issues with which I'd like to have 'closure' with my xAP; but, I already have closure, right? ending the A and going NC is the best closure ever! I hope that soon I'll have peace, too. The peace that comes when I accept that I am free and don't have to concern myself with a non-real, non-existent relationship's problems. I want to go from vexed, to so-what, to never-crosses-my-mind.
Wow, 6 weeks for you! awesome. good work.
You have no idea how helpful your post was...
5 years in the A and now 5 weeks of wishy washy NC...he's 150 miles away, so there's no risk of seeing him.
Gal,
Congrats on nearly six weeks of NC. I am at the same timeline with my NC. I can completely relate to finding fault in the spouse to justify the A. I remember often thinking if only my H was more like XMM then I wouldn't feel the need for XMM's company. Not true at all.
Dear Gal -
I have been away for several weeks, but I was reading and catching up here and wanted to thank you for your post.
NMSN -
This was a great post.
Indifference...my mantra.
Your 8 months really motivates me.
Right on!! The lack of reality and day to day to life with an AP makes it fun! It is an escape from the day to day drudgery. I cannot imagine a typical day with xAP. It would be funny to say the least. I don't know if I could even try to imagine it. I see the part of it being a hobby. It is like a release-a place to escape and live out a fantasy. Where I only had to play a part and not a role. I could be sassy, funny, sexy, romantic..whatever I felt that day. I didn't have to decide on dinner or bills or how to get the kid here or there. Just fun and play.
You can do it!
Stay strong...keep the faith...rock on!
We are definitely in the same place.
I'm so glad that my post was helpful - here I was thinking that I was writing a post that everyone would find so obvious and almost silly!
I found it very interesting that a lot of you mentioned that you wouldn't date your xAP if you were single.
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