I know what you mean about him finding happiness first. I know it doesn't matter...ending this isn't about him, it's about me getting my life back...but it's still hard. I don't know if it's normal, but I'm having the same types of thoughts and worries as you are. I'm so scared that I won't get over him...that I'll be missing him forever; that everything will always remind me of him; that the hurt of all this will never go away; that he'll be over me first; etc., etc. One minute I'm almost giddy with happiness that I don't have to worry about the ups and downs anymore and that I'm getting myself and my life back, and the next minute (literally!), I'm bursting into tears because I can't imagine him not in my life anymore. I was crying so hard earlier, I could hardly read the posts. I know it's a habit and an addiction but it still hurts. I was stupid and thought the feelings were real so it's hard to let go of that. I wish I knew how long it's going to take to get past the raw emotion of it all and start to feel somewhat normal and in control again...by the way, it lasted 5 years and I'm about 10 days into NC. This board really does help...thanks to everyone who shares their stories and feelings...at least I know I'm not alone.
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Thank you ladies....as I've been struggling this week and this thread has made me feel a bit better.
I can't say that once I'm out of the fog, my H is going to shine like a diamond....cause he didn't shine like a diamond long before I met ex-MM.
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