What it feels like for me -

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
What it feels like for me -
9
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 6:11pm

Today i was able to think of a good analogy of how it feels to have let go of the A (second attempt at NC and this time not much push back from xAP)


..it feels like i jumped off a plane, terrified and without a parachute, and i'm just floating out there and have no idea if i'll make it to the ground safe or if i'll

Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 2:17pm

Hey Waiting -


Just checked in quickly and don't have much time, but I just wanted to tell you that I am so glad you have gone NC and that I know exactly how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 3:40pm

sunshine, I agree with brighter days. Just realize what you are missing is only a feeling. And with time and yeah, a lot of hard work, you will get past this.


I became so wrapped up in xAP and his life that I felt little or no emotions regarding my own real life. I know that's hard to describe. But all my emotional ups and downs were pretty much tied to him. And I did run to him for comfort when I had a rough time with my husband. So, of course when the affair began to fade and finally I asked for NC, it was emotional suicide, because I felt all alone. I felt like I was just existing, living a great big fake life for my family and friends. Instead, I was aching inside for the emotional connection I had relied on with xAP for 3 yrs! And of course, add in the anger I had regarding the affair, the resentment, feeling used and some rejection - too much to deal with. But I did it because I knew I had to once and for all tell xAP goodbye.


During this time, sunshine, you have to rely on youself. Believe me, you have the strength in you to get past this. It is there, you just have to have the confidence that it will guide you through this ending. Listen to your head, not your heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 10:54am

Hi Sunshine,


I too felt the same thing, which is why I think that I tried to remain "friends".

 

              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 11:20am

Good Morning B!


A was like a drug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 11:49am

Hello Lynn -


I too have tried to focus on replacing the habit of calling, writing, making plans to see xap with healthier, more productive things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 11:56am

Amen!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 9:49pm

Hi BD and thank you so much for writing! i really do appreciate it so so much.


As hard as i try, I really cannot comprehend the addiction analogy, and why an A is an addiction or a drug. I really don't get it.


To me, we are all human, with feelings, emotions, etc. and i don't know how that can be an addiction..sorry maybe i'm stupid i really dont know but i don't get it.


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 9:53pm

Hi Bandk73,


this is exactly how i feel:


"And I did run to him for comfort when I had a rough time with my husband. So, of course when the affair began to fade and finally I asked for NC, it was emotional suicide, because I felt all alone. I felt like I was just existing, living a great big fake life for my family and friends. "


and yes it does feel like emotional suicide - towards an empty, lonely existence. but i KNoW there's light at the end of the tunnel. Well i dont know that but i really hope so. Knowing that we live honestly must be worth something in the end.


Thanks for your thoughts,





Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 9:56pm

DAncer! thank you so much for thinking of me.


I always love reading your posts. They

Sunshine

.