What it feels like today

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
What it feels like today
1
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 11:22am
it feels just like it did when the A ended last July. I am overwhelmingly angry and depressed. I wake up and feel like a tidal wave is crashing over me.

but, since i've been through this before, i know these feelings will end. it will just take time.

the thing that is different for me today, though, is IT IS TRULY OVER FOR ME. last time it wasn't.

so, how to get through my day today? unfortunately, i work at my computer all day. so, i can not turn on my email; or i can "spaminate" the "parasite." i will have to decide. sadly, i still want to hear from him, just so i can tell him off. you guys have already talked me out of that one. i think now "silence is golden." thank you to whomever posted that. it's true.

as far as coaching in the future: i think Chris said i shouldn't give that up. i shouldn't let xMM take that joy from me. I appreciate that Chris. But i just can't do it anymore. there will be a big gaping hole in his little league program when i leave; but more importantly, i just don't ever want to have contact with him again. i don't have to decide this until January, so i will see how i feel then.

i started wondering last night, if my actions on the field yesterday sent any kind of message to him. He knows, but, what i figured out last night, is he doesn't care. i've also wondered if his actions have created his wife to be the detached person that she is. he has probably run through a number of women during their marriage--he befriends you, talks about you all the time, invites you to events at his house, sets you up as management in his stupid little league--and then suddenly, you drop off the planet. the wife has to notice this. if she was watching yesterday (and you can't miss me, as i am the pitcher for my team) she has to notice that her husband and i would not even look at one another. she probably knows too. she doesn't know which women to befriend, as she doesn't know which he has acted inappropriately with.

Last year, he named me coach of the year. this was only because we were in an A. this year, i've done tons more work for him and had an amazingly successful season and he won't even acknowledge me.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 1:20pm
Hey Clarice, just sending you some hugs. I had similar thoughts about my OMM's W recently. He always described her as such a loser, unable to keep him interested, never wanted to go anywhere, never fixed up her hair or dressed nice, etc. It occurred to me that maybe she had just HAD IT with him, too! I know I wasn't the first A he had, but it was the first time the A turned into a relationship and he told his W that the marriage was over because he was seriously involved with another woman. So I have to laugh - OMM cheating on this woman for years with so many other women, and he's got the nerve, the gaul, to complain that she doesn't fix herself up pretty for him on Saturday nights! What a jerk.

Aw, its a shame that you're going to give up coaching, but I see your point. It's not worth what you have to put yourself through to participate. So that's his M.O., huh? He likes little league coaches? It must be so awkward for you out there. There comes a point when you suddenly realize things that have been in front of your face all along and for some reason you just become ready to realize them. It must create a bit of tension on that baseball diamond for you and his W. Who knows about him? I wonder what type of conscience, if any, these guys have.

Well, Clarice, here's to a better week for both of us. I'm feeling pretty good today. After OMM was such an idiot over the weekend I feel fortified to maintain NC for another day. I'll send some of those vibes over your way...

mo 7-18-10