What I've learned so far
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What I've learned so far
| Sun, 02-27-2011 - 4:49pm |
I never in a million years thought I would be here and that I would of had the strength to go two whole weeks nc, in fact months ago I would of laughed at anyone who would of suggested that id be here. If I'm being honest I pretty much thought that it was going to go in until
A dday
B xap left me
Or
C we rode off into the sunset
The most nc I ever had was 1 day once cuz I was pissed off not cuz I was done.. I never thought things through I just rode on emotional thinking now I think I mean really think things through, I posted the past few days of my struggle with wanting to text him it was bad on and off, it wasnt all day the past 2 days but the urge was strong.
What I did was this I said ok so I text and then this is what happens then I check my phone and his email all day long and if he doesn't check it as the day goes on it slowly drives me insane. He checks it and doesn't answer and I see that ok rejection and the rest of the day in the toilet or he answers and then what again day is in toilet. I did all of that in my head and by the time I got done I said ok lets wait 48. I'm so grateful for all the reading I've done and that I now having these convos.
So here's what did happen I took the kids to the playground then they went to my moms for the nite,i came back and made dinner and h and I watched some tv and had some togetherness all the while my phone was in my purse (never use to put the phone dwn) I wasn't totally content w my life but it was nice and probably the 1st time I've really been present with my h in a very long time.
Today h said something that made me sad he said "I'm going to have to take advantage of all this attention so it sustains me for the next few months when it runs low" OUCH
A dday
B xap left me
Or
C we rode off into the sunset
The most nc I ever had was 1 day once cuz I was pissed off not cuz I was done.. I never thought things through I just rode on emotional thinking now I think I mean really think things through, I posted the past few days of my struggle with wanting to text him it was bad on and off, it wasnt all day the past 2 days but the urge was strong.
What I did was this I said ok so I text and then this is what happens then I check my phone and his email all day long and if he doesn't check it as the day goes on it slowly drives me insane. He checks it and doesn't answer and I see that ok rejection and the rest of the day in the toilet or he answers and then what again day is in toilet. I did all of that in my head and by the time I got done I said ok lets wait 48. I'm so grateful for all the reading I've done and that I now having these convos.
So here's what did happen I took the kids to the playground then they went to my moms for the nite,i came back and made dinner and h and I watched some tv and had some togetherness all the while my phone was in my purse (never use to put the phone dwn) I wasn't totally content w my life but it was nice and probably the 1st time I've really been present with my h in a very long time.
Today h said something that made me sad he said "I'm going to have to take advantage of all this attention so it sustains me for the next few months when it runs low" OUCH

Xoxo
Alwayst
HAPPY,
Youre just a little SKIDDISH.
You've got alot of energy and DESIRE to really END THIS.
TAKE COMFORT in the fact that, LIKE YOU....many of us spent those early days....WEEKS....MONTHS.....in our robe, clinging to HEALING, READING, LEARNING, KNOWING yourself.
LFH
Congratulations on your progress and way to go girl!