What I've learned so far

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
What I've learned so far
4
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 4:49pm
I never in a million years thought I would be here and that I would of had the strength to go two whole weeks nc, in fact months ago I would of laughed at anyone who would of suggested that id be here. If I'm being honest I pretty much thought that it was going to go in until
A dday
B xap left me
Or
C we rode off into the sunset

The most nc I ever had was 1 day once cuz I was pissed off not cuz I was done.. I never thought things through I just rode on emotional thinking now I think I mean really think things through, I posted the past few days of my struggle with wanting to text him it was bad on and off, it wasnt all day the past 2 days but the urge was strong.
What I did was this I said ok so I text and then this is what happens then I check my phone and his email all day long and if he doesn't check it as the day goes on it slowly drives me insane. He checks it and doesn't answer and I see that ok rejection and the rest of the day in the toilet or he answers and then what again day is in toilet. I did all of that in my head and by the time I got done I said ok lets wait 48. I'm so grateful for all the reading I've done and that I now having these convos.
So here's what did happen I took the kids to the playground then they went to my moms for the nite,i came back and made dinner and h and I watched some tv and had some togetherness all the while my phone was in my purse (never use to put the phone dwn) I wasn't totally content w my life but it was nice and probably the 1st time I've really been present with my h in a very long time.
Today h said something that made me sad he said "I'm going to have to take advantage of all this attention so it sustains me for the next few months when it runs low" OUCH
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 5:16pm
It is good to see you actively thinking things through now instaed of merely hanging on to NC by your fingernails, although that IS what it takes in the very beginning. In at least one moment of clarity we all came to EAS because we wanted to get off the crazy train--even if we didn't do it right away. Over and over it has been said that it takes time and faith to get past the first few weeks of blinding pain. Two weeks is HUGE and I am very proud of you for getting to this point. Keep up the great work. Before you know it you'll have a whole month behind you, then Tweenerville and so on. It gets better because YOU are doing the work to get healthier. Cheers to you!!

Xoxo
Alwayst
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 6:19pm
Ya I must say I was pretty much just hanging into nc by my fingernails trusting what I read here that it would lessen... I spent alot of time in my robe doing nothing but reading lol I'm so afraid I will run out of the stuff I need to read I wasn't thinking anything really now the thinking it through is good I like this if I had to discribe it I start going towards dispair and I talk myself out of it and feel good about....progress!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 7:24pm

HAPPY,

Youre just a little SKIDDISH.

You've got alot of energy and DESIRE to really END THIS.

TAKE COMFORT in the fact that, LIKE YOU....many of us spent those early days....WEEKS....MONTHS.....in our robe, clinging to HEALING, READING, LEARNING, KNOWING yourself.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 1:33am

LFH

Congratulations on your progress and way to go girl!