What to say

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
What to say
1
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 5:59pm
I've been on second date with new man and it was nice we just went for a long walk, it was freezing cold so he took hold of my hand and held it in his pocket which felt a bit odd but ok. He came in for cup of tea when we got back and we chatted for a few hours until he had to go and pick his daughter up, we sat little distance apart but every now & then he reached over and smoothed my arm. When was leaving he kissed me only a quick kiss but on the mouth but what do I do if he wants more (I mean a proper kiss, nowt else)

I'm not over xmm and infact we were only in contact last week. He thought we could be in contact as friends, I told him not and after a week of texting he agreed we had to stop as his feelings were all over the place and he couldn't cope with it, he told me he loved me and jokingly asked if I could leave the country as every time he sees me he wants to hold me, we don't see each other often but live so close can't help it.

We made a promise to one another that if one of us weakens and sends a message the other won't answer. I told him if its ever over with his wife to come and get me.

So now I want to move on and this new chap is a really nice guy but I cant tell him about xmm and he thinks I've been on my own for a very long time which before affair I had been. I don't want to lead him on but also don't want to put him off but he's gonna think I'm a bit strange if after a few more dates I won't even kiss him! but i'm still in love with someone else, what should I do?

I also saw xmm wife today and yesterday on the way to work, normally she totally ignores me but on Monday she gave me a most evil stare and I'm sure she mouthed the work bitch to me! I saw her again today and she stared right at me and if looks could kill. Can't understand why after all this time when she has known where I live and has seen me so often that she has started to react. God knows what'll do if she ever stops her car and gets out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: natty536
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 9:51pm

Natty, it sounds to me from your post that your heart clearly hasn't healed from your relationship with xMM.


The reaction from his wife is a bit puzzling, yet it still doesn't change the current state of your relationship with xMM, i.e., there is no relationship. You're single. MM isn't And until such time he chooses to make himself single and available to you, there isn't any real hope for a full relationship with him.


As for the new guy, may I suggest just go easy. Be friends. Nothing wrong with that is there? He doesn't need to know anything about xMM. It's none of his business, now or in the future. And if new guy thinks you're a bit strange for not being interested in kissing him, why not tell him the truth...you're interested in moving forward at a slow pace and if that's not going to be acceptable to him then it's best to find out now and part ways in a friendly manner. I don't recall there being any hard and fast rules that "require" you to kiss someone after a certain number of dates and the guy should respect that or move on immediately.


I say go as slow as you need to in order to be the person you know that you are. And nothing less....


jmhmoo (Just My Humble Male Outspoken Opinion),


cl-nre