What silence says
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What silence says
| Thu, 03-10-2011 - 7:34am |
I have wrestled and struggled with my emotions for the past two days, since xAP fished and I got over the angry part. I desperately wanted to respond--to see how he is doing, to offer some comfort, to have my ego stroked. I had to employ the 48 hour rule. I promised myself that much, because there were moments when I really thought I was going to cave.
I have decided to remain silent because this is what silence says:
- It is over.
- I have taken my power back.
- I am no longer

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So much of what has already been said resonates with me, but I will add one more.
Silence means respect for his wife and children. He may say that he is OK with the possibility of an A ending his M and breaking his family apart but I am not OK with it. If that is the path he chooses to go down, he can do it without me. If given the choice, what would his wife want me to say to her H? Nothing. Nothing at all. I cannot undo the harm I have caused her already, but I can offer my silence as a token of my respect for her and her love for her family.
Always - you are turning into a bloody legend. im loving your posts!!!
This is a great topic for me. I heard the exAP is overseas for a few weeks and I have a wierd feeling that i will hear from him somehow when he gets back. That was his standard behaviour. Away for a while, no loving when he returned, turned to me for that 'loving'. I used to think he was glad to be home to see me- thats what he always said- now I see it had nothing to do with me at all.
So, I used silence previously to protect myself, NC = No New Hurts and I truly believe this. NC also stopped me falling into old habits.
But I am seeing NC as s much more. Always- your list really sang to me- and mine is similar.
Silence to me means:
* I am no longer anyone's plaything
* I am over the drama
* I take back control and power
* I have dignity and will not lower myself anymore
* I only speak with those who truly deserve me
Of course I also sneakily love the saying 'Nothing says FU like silence' :)))))
Iggyxx
I pretty much resonate with what everyone has said here, but the most significant one for me is silence is having my power back.
V888
xxxxx
You feel a setback because first, that talk with the friend. That's just outright dangerous. U came so close, all that news hit ya heard, that was conversation you should not have. Then, the fishing attempts. Those that some newbies think they want to get, so they can tell themselves, he really did care for me....the call I used to wait for, the text, something so that I knew I mattered. I used to think that would show me he cared. HA! That's a horribly selfish act.
So my luv, when you combine those two things, there is bound to be pain and hurt. Your emotions roll all around. I am over a year out and he still crosses my mind almost daily. BUt its about me and not him. My struggles. And he leaves my mind within moments and how I react, I pat myself on the back.
Even though you been here a while, you are still pretty fresh out. Be patient with yourself. This A crap does such a mind job. It takes a major long term make internal makeover to get this stuff the hell out of us. Its a toxic sweet and tasty cocktail that we drank so long...we have to purge those toxins and some of the damage is bound to linger. And then we are rebuilding we will often want to revert back to our old ways...they seem so easy compared to facing ourselves and fantasy's are always more alluring that RL. WE MUST CARRY ON! We must push thru, our beings and the lives of all we love are relying on it. We must inhale cleaner air. It may seem lifeless, but it is the only air we can breath, because even a whiff of A air, will intoxicate us....the slope is slippery.
BUCKLE DOWN. Man up....well women up! Your a lady with a clean aura. I am proud of you. You have stayed the course. Press on. WE told ya there was going to be days like this.
Do not let him get thru to you ever again, everything you have worked so hard for thus far is at stake. I know you are feeling a little shaky. And that is ok. Shake it off and let it propel you forward.
Much luv and besos
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Maintaining my silence to xap means
-
Forever more, my actions will do my talking.
An excellent thread indeed. To me, being silent when xAP fishes is not about saying a "@#!^ you" to him. its about me. entirely. the irony is that having an A is the most selfish thing i have ever done, but it decimated my self esteem. so, as i reclaim it, silence serves 2 purposes
1:you do not have enough power over me to instigate confrontation or encourage reconnection. i make those decisions myself. iw ill not response to you simply bc i feel badly about NOT responding. i am taking control over my emotional state once again.
2. the greatest gift i give to BOTH of us is silence. you and i both deserve to move on.
I love this thread!
Silence to me is discipline & strength.
It's the most powerful tool we have.
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