What was the final straw??
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What was the final straw??
| Sat, 03-13-2010 - 4:13pm |
I ended things a few weeks ago with MM only to go back after less than a week of NC. The thing is I can't stop reading this board. I have tried reading the MAS board and can't seem to find my place there. So I have been lurking here and I'm embarrassed because I quickly caved. I know the point of this board is to offer support after ending an affair but the advice here is so stellar that I can't resist posting. I'm a MW involved in a PA for almost 10 months. We have on several occasions tried to end it usually after an argument but seem to always fall back into it. I know realistically that it has to end eventually. I no longer harbor any hopes that we will be together and the reality is is that every night he goes home to his "real" life. I know I'm only a bystander. I see myself in so many of your stories. I hide in my closet to talk to him on the phone. He only comes to my house never his...I guess his neighbors will notice more than mine! I don't know how many times I'll be in the middle of a sentence and he will cut me off to take a call from his wife. His life is "busier and more important" than mine. Yada, yada, yada. This has been one of the weeks where I can't fight the frustration like I usually can. He found out his 17 yr old daughter is pregnant and of course my first thought was when she gives birth where will I be on the list of people he calls. I lay in bed at night asking God to help me find my way out. I'm so afraid of a Dday and is it really worth it for a man who says he loves me but rushes home to his wife. Sometimes I feel like I'm a master manipulator. I want to end it but I can't wait for his call and to tell him I love him. Of course lets not forget all the lies I tell my H and children. After this last breakup, makeup, we promised not to end things without really meaning it. I do believe part of him loves me and I love him but the weight of keeping secrets and lying is wearing me down. I'm afraid to let go and afraid to continue forward. What was the final straw? Was it a realization that this was a fantasy or was there a huge fight? I just love this board and I honestly feel like finding it has been a true gift! I know you guys will be there for me when the time comes...Thanks, Liz

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