What was I thinking????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
What was I thinking????
4
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 1:34pm
This is the third day of my camping weekend with friends, XOM and his girlfriend. Thank god I had to work today and Monday. I still have tonight to get through and tomorrow. What made me think I could do this and pull it off? I am so sick to my stomach, my nerves are shot, I didn't sleep last night. I was going to try and get out of going back tonight, I wouldn't have to fake sickness, but my son and his family are coming. All this pretending is very hard on me. I will not put myself through this again. I have to get through this weekend somehow. I can't believe XOM wants to still be friends. Why wouldn't he though, all the stress and hurt is on me? Today I hate him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 4:15pm

Sorry, I don't believe that "all" the stress is on you.


If xOM is trying to maintain some sort of friendship with you, I believe he also is struggling to accept the turn of events and make the best of the situation to salvage the friendship he had with you before the TWO of you chose to escalate the friendship to affair level.


I suggest you stop reading so much into every action of the week-end, enjoy your husband's company and that of the other friends that are with you and have a good time rather than focusing on choosing to feel miserable over "the life I wished I had" and being in fantasy land.


Women as well as men know what it takes to follow through to end their current relationships or marriages in order to be with an affair partner. It isn't easy; it has significant repercussions on your adult friendships and your children's lives as well. Weigh all the circumstances of your marriage and walk through your choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 5:37pm
Thank you for responding, I probably needed that. I know I am feeling sorry for myself and making myself miserable. I started out pretty good the first night, it hurt to see him pay so much attention to someone else, but I think I didn't show it. By the second night I was having trouble. You are right I need to focus on my husband and family, but this hurts so much. I was doing a little better but I wasn't ready for this. I know this has been a fantasy and an addiction, but 5 years is a long time. I just want it to go away and I want my real life back. I am trying very hard to focus on this but you can't help what you are thinking. I am struggling, I can't seem to control my emotions. I will have to just get through one day at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Sun, 05-29-2005 - 9:01pm

depressed,

Cl is right in what he says. Although I know how hard this must be.

I'm hoping Sat night went okay and that you were able to get a little relief. I'm sure it's hard for xOM as well, although probably harder on you.

I could relate to what you said that day 1 you were able to maintain the image of "indifference," but then on day 2 it started to fall apart.

Let us know how it went... and we're here for you to "vent" to!

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 8:47am

depressed,

How did the rest of the weekend go?

WIP