What was I thinking????
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What was I thinking????
| Sat, 05-28-2005 - 1:34pm |
This is the third day of my camping weekend with friends, XOM and his girlfriend. Thank god I had to work today and Monday. I still have tonight to get through and tomorrow. What made me think I could do this and pull it off? I am so sick to my stomach, my nerves are shot, I didn't sleep last night. I was going to try and get out of going back tonight, I wouldn't have to fake sickness, but my son and his family are coming. All this pretending is very hard on me. I will not put myself through this again. I have to get through this weekend somehow. I can't believe XOM wants to still be friends. Why wouldn't he though, all the stress and hurt is on me? Today I hate him.

Sorry, I don't believe that "all" the stress is on you.
If xOM is trying to maintain some sort of friendship with you, I believe he also is struggling to accept the turn of events and make the best of the situation to salvage the friendship he had with you before the TWO of you chose to escalate the friendship to affair level.
I suggest you stop reading so much into every action of the week-end, enjoy your husband's company and that of the other friends that are with you and have a good time rather than focusing on choosing to feel miserable over "the life I wished I had" and being in fantasy land.
Women as well as men know what it takes to follow through to end their current relationships or marriages in order to be with an affair partner. It isn't easy; it has significant repercussions on your adult friendships and your children's lives as well. Weigh all the circumstances of your marriage and walk through your choice.
depressed,
Cl is right in what he says. Although I know how hard this must be.
I'm hoping Sat night went okay and that you were able to get a little relief. I'm sure it's hard for xOM as well, although probably harder on you.
I could relate to what you said that day 1 you were able to maintain the image of "indifference," but then on day 2 it started to fall apart.
Let us know how it went... and we're here for you to "vent" to!
WIP
depressed,
How did the rest of the weekend go?
WIP