What was the most ridiculous thing you did .....

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Registered: 12-31-1969
What was the most ridiculous thing you did .....
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Sat, 08-11-2012 - 10:51am

Hi everyone!

Well you've got my friend Sunny to thank for this one, but I do love a good chat :smileyhappy:

 

I have so many crazy memories of ridiculous things I did during my A, some sad, some painful, some cringeworthy, so many regrets, so many things I wished I hadn't done. One of the biggest ones is the fact that I was an unpaid prostitute for xAP, in fact I was more than that, I even provided complimentary food and wine! :smileymad:Anyway, xAP was always talking about his fantasies with me,there were all sorts of things he had wanted to try and things he wanted to do before he died, any time I mentioned going for lunch with a girlfriend he would talk about us having a threesome, he was obsessed with it ... woa hold on ladies, I never did it, in fact I dumped him when I suggested it once too often and he never mentioned it again.

One of his fantasies I did go along with though and I am cringing as I type this was to dress up as a naughty school girl. I asked him to wait in the bedroom for me and I would see what I could rustle up. Well, I don't even own a white shirt so I had to wear one of oldest son's school shirts (with his name sown in it:smileyembarrassed:), a black work skirt rolled over at the waist about twenty times making me look 6 months pregnant, white football socks, oldest son's school tie, I put my hair in bunches and used a brown eyeliner to draw freckles on my nose, now bear in mind ladies that I am a middle aged woman with a significant amount of wrinkles, skin slackening and cellulite ..... you can picture the scene.  I found a lollipop in the cupboard and I sultrily waltzed into the bedroom to surprise xAP .... well the look of shock and horror on xAP's was a complete passion killer, xAP he looked like he was about to vomit all over the bed! Yes, not one of my finest moments:smileyhappy:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:03am
Oh so glad! So sorry to laugh but I am! I guess that's why they sell those ready made outfits in the sex shops, so we don't disappoint with our makeshift costumes. But you really do get an "A: for effort!

Oh God, I suppose I have to admit something - but which one? as you say there are many things that I am glad won't see the light of day, given that many suns have risen and set on this body...yes threesomes were a constant suggestion, what's with that? But we never went there, got as far as checking out third parties for hire once, that's about it...Euuuwww.

Okay, here's a lame thing - once i was flying through his city and only had about three hours. I had to go through customs and there was a long line. I noticed a man with two children, one of whom was a blind teenager. So I went under the rope into the special needs line and pretended to be with them as long as I could to save time, and then dashed through the airport to meet him. Classy, huh?

My petals are drooping - Daisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:10am
Oh soglad, thank you for this thread. And I apologize, I almost did the coffee spit on screen thing when I read of the school girl caper. I'm sure you have painful regrets about it but I was chuckling when I read your description.

I'll have to think back and post when I remember more, as there were many stupid, embarrassing things I did. One that jumps out though is I had tried to pass him a note when he was walking through my work area, which had several coworkers at desks in very close proximity. He was totally clueless as I continually kept sliding the folded note towards him as he mingled in the office for a couple of minutes; all the while trying to keep my coworkers from noticing (which they probably did as with several other things I would do that I thought were oh-so-sneaky but was probably the hot topic of gossip). Ugh, it makes me cringe just to remember that day!

I think this thread may be a good place to purge all those things we have kept inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:24am

Okay...here's one....I'll dole them out.

We made plans to meet at the cemetery.  It was a gathering place for all us neighbor teenagers...40+ years ago.  Of course, my plan all along was to get him in the dark and have some fun.  It's about 10:30 pm.  Remember, it was mostly about sex for me....it's a set up :smileyhappy:

So, we're walking around, chatting with the dead, and come to this wall. So, we start doing it.  I'm bent over the wall.  He's behind me and wouldn't you know it.  A car comes down the aisle behind us and we are like deers in the headlights.  All I have to do is drop my dress and run.  He has to quickly pull up his pants before running.  He said it was his 5 minutes of fame.

Now I'm not suppose to say anything about fond memories.  I remember CL-Free here from years ago cut me a new one when I first responded to a poster about fond memories, but I just know that a little smile plays upon his face whenever he drives by that cemetery...it does on mine.  My bad!

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:30am

Thank you for sharing your stories, everyone - makes me realize we're not alone in the crazy things we did during our A's!  And so glad, thanks for the smile, i needed that this morning! :-)

Hmm, i'd say the most ridiculous thing I did was pretend I was in a james bond movie by "breaking into" his house!  Granted it was with his permission and at his suggestion, but it was still pretty ridiculous.  So, usually most of our communication was through texting (when we weren't seeing each other in person which was a lot of the time!), but on this particular saturday, he had written me a poem and long letter so he sent it through email.  Well, I guess I was supposed to use his work email address to reply to, but instead I used his home email which goes right to their PC.  He was out of town, and he deleted it from his account, but he wasn't sure if he had gotten to it in time and thought there was a possibility that she had already opened it and downloaded it to the computer.  He was totally calm and not at all annoyed with me for sending it to the wrong account, but he said the only way we'd know for sure was if I went into their computer and got into his email account.  So, he knew his W was out and he gave me the code to their garage and told me to casually walk past the dog (he lives very close by and our families were close, so I was normally in his house a lot, but was still nervous about the dog freaking on me).  Once I was inside, he called me so he could direct me where to go (i'd never been into their office before) and how to get into his email.  I was shaking and freaking out, so afraid she'd come home at any minute or that a neighbor would have seen me going into his house.  Anyway, I got into the email and saw that my email was not there, so we were good.  We laughed about it after and dubbed it the "james bond" experience, but it was one of the craziest things i've ever done, for sure!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 12:34pm
Oh Soglad thats too too funny LOL! Well I am positively envious! My boring oul fart wouldnt cross over to a PA, well he does have a dodgy ticker... And here I am going through all this heartache and didnt even get me some!!  I'd have donned the pigtails and lollipop in a heartbeat :smileyhappy: 

Still managed to do ridiculous things though like £20 extra a week on diesel just to do drivebys even though we lunched or coffeed most days! Stalked his friends facebook pages for a mention of his name when in reality I knew what was going on in his daily life better than they did. He wasnt even on fb. Once when a whole 17 hours had passed and I hadnt heard from him (his phone had packed up) I called the local hospital pretending to be his sister to 
See if he had been admitted! Utterly ridiculous.....

And Miss Daisy! You skipped the queue at the airport!! Im shocked :smileyhappy:

(((hugs)))
Sunny Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 1:06pm

Oh if it were only just skipping the queue...I'm talking hands on the wheelchair, offering to help push so the dad could help the younger one, then poof...off like a rabbit...

But here I was trying to keep this topic clean! next thing you know we got down and dirty details..ah hell, what else is there to do on a Saturday, (only about one miillion other things.) but I will allow that I had an odd encounter involving naked flesh,  a raging river, and a hotel balcony, that would make some security guard some bank if he could identify that naked a** disappearing off camera...

I gotta be careful here, AARP might revoke my card...

Daisy, over and out

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 11:23am
How about my most desperate fishing attempt: AP was my Dr before he was my my AP. I had an old expired prescription from him. During our first NC attempt i called the pharmacy to refill it knowing it was expired and they'd contact the prescriber. They did, and later that day he emailed me to see if I was ok, he had received the script request, was it really for him etc..
Oh i am fine i said but hey I'll be in your neighborhood tonight...
We ended up seeing each other and restarting A.
Sometimes i had to get really creative to reel him back in, he was always trying to end...:/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 10:03pm
I cyberstalked to the extreme and I actually did run a paid background check!! I had a friend at the time who was a major supporter of my A and technically she is the one who ran it, then emailed it to me. Now I had his home address so I promptly Google mapped his house. Checked everyday to see if the street view had changed. When he finally invited me over I played dumb llike I had no idea where he lived.
This friend also went to hIm as a patient just to stalk him for me when we went NC once and tell me how he looked, report on his mood, if he was acting depressed etc lol...Omg! She was so into this and majorly contributed to my crazy by being so 'supportive.'. We are no longer friends!

Once i knew where he lived, i googled his address and part of town so much that i discovered a neighborhood message board on which he'd posted, made up a screenname and joined just to write to him through the board and see if he'd respond to a stranger. He did lol..i was such a loser!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 11:43pm

I just love these kinds of threads.  Putting it out here, sharing our mania.  More so than the 'why'...it leaves us trying to figure out the big WHAT...as in "WHAT was I thinking. " 

I mentioned in my first post that I would dole out some of my mania.  Didn't want to overwhelm you all with my ridiculousness.  

And I know in a previous post, I mentioned a splinted doorframe.  Let me tell you the whole story.  It's funny now.  Back then, it was funny...in not so haha a way.

Okay, first of all, if you know me, you know I don't cook because I don't like to cook.  A am the burn-the-toast, and boil-the-water-out-of-the-pan-'til-it's-ruined kinda gal...a real menace in kitchen, and the only help MH wants from me in regards to helping him prepare dinner is to stay out of the kitchen...can do!  And I only preface my story with this because it was big...really big for me to attempt dinner...never mind a huge project such as lasagna.

So, and we are talking about 10 years ago, while seeing JAM, I invited him for dinner and on the menu was lasagna.  My very best friend, who has since passed away, was at my house helping me.  She was a great cook.  And she had not yet met JAM, but had probably driven by his house 1,001 times with me...can you say stalker?

Dinner is prepared, JAM arrives, my friend hangs with us for a while to meet him and to chat.  In the middle of her chat, she asks if he lives around here.  I almost wet my pants and actually had to go to the bathroom to laugh my ass off.  Do you live around here...OMG.  

Dinner is great...the night is great.  He does not stay the night, but that was not unusual.  Next morning, I drive by his house to the way to somewhere...and it wasn't a stalker drive-by...he just happens to live on the main road to everywhere in our town.  And what do I see on his porch.  HER DOG!!!  Now, my runaway brain conjures up the scenario that he left my house and went to see her...with a full belly...of MY lasagna...that I had so lovely prepared.  In actuality, she had dropped her dogs off at his house and left for vacation, but I didn't learn that 'til later.  She lived about 20 miles away and often left her dogs at his house.

Okay, so now I am soooooooo angry, I am a raving lune.  I drive to his house (it's right down the street)...so full anger that the dog on his porch, as I am climbing the stairs, starts to whimper.  He comes to the door, I start to cut him a new one, and he slams the door in my face.  S E E T H I N G  N O W!

I drive back home, call my girlfriend...I am pacing...beside myself and I want to go back.  She tells me to wait, not to do anything, she's on her way.  She doesn't make to my house fast enough and not in time.

Because by the time she arrives, I have already been to his house where he will not answer the door, and have I kicked in his door. I'm 5'4".  The lock breaks,the entire frame shatters and it swings open.  The only thing that could have made it REALLY funny is if it fell open top to floor (like in the cartoons)..."here's Johnny!"  He's on the other side of the livingroom, kneeling down, holding the dog...they are both whimpering now.  He walks over and starts yelling, takes me by the shirt , turns and yells, "See what you did!"

I immediately feel bad...real bad...what have I done...the rage is gone and now I'm in trouble.  I went home.  And my friend didn't call me the next day because she was afraid I would ask her what she made for dinner, because that would mean she would have to say the L-word.

If you can believe it, that still was not the end for us.  We managed to get by that and carry on for another year.  And to this day, when you drive by his house, if it is not summertime because the growth is so thick, you can't even see the pathway to the door, the porch or the door because he has recreated the landscape of Vietnam (He's a Vietnam Vet), you can see the door ajar.  

Yet another ridiculous thing I did.  Stay tuned...more to come as I think back.

Clarity

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 12:01pm
OMG!! Clarity!!! Only just read this. You are a real tonic! Still laughing here.... Knew you were a good spud from day one, I too HATE cooking, i just dont get it, never have, never will! And lasagna!!! Wow you had it bad for that one.... I think attempting to cook that was nearly as crazy as pushing in his door... :smileyhappy:

You go girl lol!

Sunny Soon Xxx

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