What was your dealbreaker?
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What was your dealbreaker?
| Wed, 06-23-2010 - 2:09pm |
When Sillyme said in a post to me "make no mistake he's had sex with his wife", I thought I was going to throw up. I've been told that he hasn't touched her for years and years, but I'm sure it's a lie - he probably has, and lied to me about it. I know this makes no sense at all but the thought of that - of him cheating on me - is a dealbreaker.
I'm on Day 5 because MM made love to me, told me he would take care of things and then dropped the bomb 2 days later that he was leaving on vacation with his family. What a joke.
I'm just wondering what the dealbreaker was for everyone - what made you finally end your A?
Bodhi

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Why_ask_why,
I agree, to a certain extent.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
What you are saying would also apply to wife's who repeatly get cheated on but they remain married.
A frequent reader of my blog posted something to me that really changed my perspective. Maybe this will help you as much as it helped me.
I posted: If I want to hate him, I have to hate me. And that’s just not healthy. In the early days of no contact, I wanted to hate him. I prayed that I’d wake up and hate him. But I never did and never will. If I want to hate him, I have to hate me. What we did, we did together. To move forward I have to forgive him and myself. I get closer each day. And looking back a year, I know that one year from now it will all be different. I will be different. I will be better
And a reader responded: I find this strange to read after so much self-reflection. Your statement is only true as a generalization. I’m not saying that you aren’t responsible for the choices you made. I’m only saying that just because the result looked the same, doesn’t mean your methods or intentions were the same. He built the game in his favor and then he played it in a way that insured its existence.
He chose you because you displayed a sense of passion. He chose you because as a friend, your guard was already down. He chose you because you were married and therefore your relationship would have to remain a secret. He kept things light; full of laughter and compliments until he felt a connection developing. Little by little he spoke of the lack of passion in his marriage to play on your mothering instinct and your emotional side. He tested the waters to see if he received the desired response while keeping it vague enough that he could always deny it if he didn’t. Once the relationship kicked off, he talked about the future to string you along, but never took any action or made any real commitments. When you ended it, he didn’t contact you because he believed you would be back.
His game began long before you knew you were a player. You are definitely NOT the same.
Let’s just say these are the steps to follow to have a successful affair with a woman. The idea that “we are in this together” not only increases the passion. It also secures the confusion and helps maintain the guilt when things finally end. Your generalization is the result of one simple (yet very powerful) statement played throughout the affair.
It is important that you know you are not the same type of person as he is.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
We were talking about who deserves what... that's what we were discussing.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
I want y'all to quit this now.
Dee
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