what we missed and not missed in A

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
what we missed and not missed in A
12
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 12:51am

hi all,

im watching TV and just thought of this

that i dont miss her constant ignoring me, that i dont missed being told that she cpuld not spend time with me, that i dont miss her telling me that i cannot call her or test her on the weekends, that i dont miss her making me think and imagine what the heck she is doing on the weekends, that i dont miss her lies to me, she would go out for drinks after work with her co-workers but she cannot with me, that i dont miss her telling me she has some work to do when i talk to her for about 5 minutes but i can see her talking to other guys for like 1 hr, ( i hate her for doing that) ... there are more things that i dont miss anymore

i dont miss her not giving me anything in return emotionally when i give her all i have

my head is hurting and im upset at her now

what do i miss about her ??? hmmm i cant think of anything right now, maybe im refusing to think of it for now, earlier i was itching to text or email her

max

max

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 9:28pm

Max,

I've been reading your posts. I'm sorry that you are feeling this pain. This board is very helpful and I can already "see" the difference in you. I too have been helped so much by this board. It'a almost like a greiving process we are all going through. Everyone will go through it a little differently, sadness, anger, pain, and acceptance, not neccessarily in that order for everyone. The pain I felt in the beginning was horrible and when I read that NC is the best way, I didn't believe it. It was too hard, too painful. But now I know that it IS the best way. I've had NC for almost 3 months now from my xMM. Do I think about him everyday? YES! Do I wonder if he thinks of me everyday? YES! Do I want to call/email him everyday to see how he is doing? YES! But I know it will put me right back to the start and I'll have to go through the pain again. So I just take it day by day and try to be strong, keep busy.

These days my pain isn't as bad and you will get there too, in your own time. I still love my xMM and don't feel love for my H. I'm working on it though. Today was hard because it's V-day. I couldn't find a card to give my H that didn't say stuff like "I love you with all my heart".......We are in therapy and I'm hoping to get the love back into my M soon. Ours lives are changing and my H has finally started supporting me in a part of my life that he didn't. He used to tell me to change my attitude and things will get better. He couldn't see how depressed I was about my life. Therapy has helped a lot and we are going to a couple's communication class together.

Now days when I think about my xMM, I say "his loss"!!! I'm too good for him anyway!! LOL! He isn't worth it. My H and my kids and MYSELF are worth it!

Be strong!

Dallas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 9:49pm

dallas,

thanks for your kind words, i cant wait for the day that i dont think of her all the time

i am upset at her now but still sad, mixed emotions

max

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