what is wrong with me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
what is wrong with me
6
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 2:13pm
I do not know where to start. Was on this board many years ago and lurk from time to time..here goes. I have started another affair with a co-worker (we have known each other for 10 years!) Never even thought about him this way until recently..PLEASE HELP ME STOP NOW. PLEASE, I don't know why I would ever ever go down this road again, after the OM left, I was suicidal..I have seen the "other side" and I really thought I was rebuilding my marriage.. why did this guy turn my head? And it is NOT a LOVE thing like it was the first time..he doesn't even call or iniate contact..its me! Im a fool, I want to go home and just erase this episode from my memory and just die for what I have done...I want to die..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 3:46pm

I've been there, twice also. I, too, got my heart ripped apart during the first one and never thought I'd go on to do it again.

How long has this second one been going on? And I'm assuming you've been physical with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 4:16pm

yes, we have been physical..good gawd i can't believe it. I am so sick about this. I think it has to do with a lot of things......one: I will be 45 soon, my youngest is going off to college, been married over 25 years, need lots of attention from men ( I am NOT proud of this)..it felt good when we flirted. I will admit it. I did not know he felt that same way about me and he does and he is 7 years my junior. I have never had sex with someone I wasn't in love with..its all new territory and I don't like it, now I know i have to just STOP. I am going to great lenghths to avoid him. No emails, no calls nothing...if I see him in the hallway, I hope i can just say hi and not let him see my knees go weak...god thanks for listening..i can do this

i have been at the depths of depression before, can not allow myself to go there again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 4:30pm
Dear Pasma: being here and venting may help a little bit, but you've got to speak with a professional and get to the exact nature of your void. You've got to figure out why you're doing this and it takes a lot of soul searching, let me tell you. No one continues to become involved in As because they're fun, or satisfying. After you've had one, just one, you know that they're heartwrenching, self-deprecating, and leave you feeling worse about yourself. This is what you've got to figure out, Pasma, why the heck are you repeating the behavior???? JMHO.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 4:34pm

You've been through it before and you came out of it. Just remember that. You CAN get through it, and you do not want to die.

I can't say though that avoiding him is going to help you. You need to confront him and say "I can't do this anymore". Otherwise, you leave the door open. You know from experience, the longer you let this go on, the worse it will become. It will not get easier. Quit now, do it now..and get help from someone. Because with a history of depression, this has the capability of creating a spiral.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 4:51pm
thank you for your responses. I will be adult about this and tell him, I can't do this anymore..plus, there is so much of it just in my head! I just want all of the head things to stop..does anyone know what I mean by that? thnk you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 5:12pm
The part about the head is what is getting to me most. I'm not sure if you know my story but in short - 3 mon EA with coworker. it was the Emotional connection that I am obssessed with. There is no solace or moment of freedom from the thoughts in my head. Yes, I am on meds and yes I am in T, but so far my brain just races on and on without an end. I just can't live in my skin anymore.


Edited 4/14/2005 1:46 pm ET ET by spanishtrain