What is wrong with me??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
What is wrong with me??
4
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:22pm
So, I haven't been able to stop thinking about XOM's Saturday night phone call and what it meant. I know it shouldn't matter, but the fact that he called me from CA has been bothering me. So I sent him an email and asked why. I got no response, which ticked me off, so I called. He said he was drunk and that's why he called me. Then he rushed me off the phone saying "I'm not blowing you off, but I'm getting ready to go out of town for a conference - I'll call you when I get back." I'll hold my breathe! Ok - you're going to call someone you have no feelings for, don't miss, and are 'over' from another state when you are suppose to be hanging out with your best friends and celebrating your birthday because you are drunk??? Bullsh*t! I don't buy it! I still don't know why he called, but the fact that he is using the same sorry excuse just makes me mad. I know it shouldn't and I know I should just get over it and start NC again, but I WANT to know what the hell he is thinking! I know he won't tell me the truth - whatever that is. So what do I do? How do I move past it??

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:43am

"How do I move past it?? "


I suggest you accept the fact that there are some things that defy explanation in life.


This is one of those times. You told him it's over and he keeps yanking your chain.


Take the chain away. Don't answer his calls. STOP RESPONDING to his attempts at continuing contact.


He WILL go away eventually..........


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:41am
Nothing is wrong with you...you are just being who you are. In situations like these you will always need some type of closure, and him calling you from another state while he is suppose to be having a good time with the guys can definitely throw you for a loop. But you can't dwell on it or try to come up with HIS excuse for what he does because you will just drive yourself crazy. I have come to learn that men do things for no good reason, so what I have done is learn to accept the BS excuses that they give so that it can help towards the roll to closure. If he wants to tell you that it was because he was drunk excpet it for that so that you can tell yourself he's a drunk jerk and continue on with NC. You NC shows him that he isn't needed, when a man isn't needed they either move on or try to feel needed again. If he moves on appreciate that step and do the same even though easier said then done its the best thing for you. If he tried to feel needed again enjoy the fact that you have gained the control but use it wisely and continue the NC while the both of you slowly switch places leaving him looking for the closure or excuses for your actions.. Its a type of revenge like no other gaining back your control...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:12am
Diva,

To move past it, you have to do just that...move past it. Quit getting sucked in to the drama. Who cares what he was thinking? Does it change anything? This thing will be over when you really commit to it being over. But as long as you keep getting embroiled in the whole thing, it will not. I know it's difficult, but if you just give it enough time, it will become very much a non-issue. Of course, NC is the only way if you want to put it to rest.

Silly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:43am
Diva,

I can relate...I've had two calls w/no messages from exMM in the past couple weeks. This after he broke it off w/me pretty harshly and we both agreed to NC...now over 2 months later, he's calling for what reason? To hear my voice? See if I'm still living in my apartment? To get me to call him back w/out him sticking his neck out? To let me see by the caller ID where he's now working?

WHO KNOWS. He himself might not even know why!!

All I am sure of, is that I am sick and TIRED of trying to figure him out, trying to read his mind, wondering what he's thinking. I spent WAY too much time doing that during the A, and now that its over, its even more pointless.

He made his choice. He chose his W and kid. And I chose to go back to my H. I learned a powerful lesson...and while I do still miss him and am dying to know how he's doing, what good would it do me to find out? There's no future for us.

As someone told me in another thread...even if he and I got back together, eventually, he'd make the same choice again...and I'd be hurt all over yet another time. I need that like I need a hole in my head.

Try not to obsess over it for too long, and do all that you can NOT to talk to him again.