what is wrong with me - pl advise
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what is wrong with me - pl advise
| Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:00am |
Everything is fine in my life. My h and I are getting along great. We were getting along during my A except a few times when I would just start a fight bc I was thinking about MM. What is wrong with me. My h is the best he has ever been in the 11 years weve been together. I love my h. I should be happy but I can't stop thinking about my XMM. I know that NC is the best but I would love to call and see how things are going with him. They found out they are pregnant and they were really upset about it. I made a snive comment to him when I did see him a couple of weeks ago about the pregnancy. I know it will do no good and there is no point to call bc it can't go anywhere so why do I still want to talk to him. I could risk the same thing happening six weeks ago when I called and he didn't want to talk to me bc we just ended things. Time has gone by now so maybe it won't be bad to call. I don't know. Why should I call to check on him when he hasn't called to check on me? - Right - I need to get past this but I feel this way everyday not just today. I know I will be back at square one, but what if I never left square one so what do I have to lose? At least I know I will never have to see him again bc I never did before the A so if I embarass myself again then at least I won't see him. I don't know

Take it from one who knows - DON'T CALL! It WILL make you feel worse - even if you think you CAN'T feel any worse...you CAN!!! Remember how it felt after you made that last call - now mulitply that by 10. Seriously. Stay strong for yourself (and for me!!). You are who matters now!!
Hugs,
Diva
I am trying to stay strong but the feelings just won't leave me alone. I know I could feel worst. I do have 6 weeks to be proud of since I called him last time. I ask why would he be ugly to me when time has passed on by. It should be water under the bridge, right. You are probably right, though he might me an a@@ to me and then I don't have the 6 weeks NC to feel good about. I am not worried about being sucked back in bc I know we can't ever be together but I guess I worry that he would be rude to me or ask why I am calling him. I guess I really don't know him as well as I thought to know how he would act to me now. I am trying to stay strong.
It's like playing Russian roulette (sp?) with your emotions, Merehud. Who knows how he will act...but will you really feel better either way?
Quick story - I hadn't spoke w/ xOM in a week - our last conversation sucked. I was mean to him, he was mean to me. I was feeling bad about it and decided to call him on his bday. We had a really good talk and I hung up the phone and cried. It didn't matter if the talk was good or bad - the emotions hearing his voice brought up were overwhelming. When I didn't think I could feel any lower...I did.
It's just not worth the risk - I know it may seem like it, but it's not. You're better than that.
Here for you,
Diva
Just last night I was overwhelmed with the urge to call. I gave in to the urge this time. I phoned his desk and thankfully, he either didn’t answer or wasn’t there. It hurt just to hear his voicemail. I’m glad he wasn’t there or chose to ignore me. I went home, gave my son his bath, put him to bed and spent some “quality” time with my hubby.
I am much stronger today. I guess I’m trying to say that there is NOTHING wrong with you. I’ve never been in a position where I had to willingly give up on someone I love and who admitted he loved me. It’s a whole different situation, with all new rules.
However, if you can divert your attention, refocus that energy, you can move past it. I still maintain the attitude that it HAS to get better. There’s now where left to go but up.
Keep sharing, I get a lot of strength from hearing that I’m not alone in this situation.