what's my problem???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
what's my problem???
16
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 3:31pm

I'm feeling somewhat decent today, even tho xap is really on my mind. Then all of suddent I remember something he said on the day I broke things off. He told me how he was starting to think about how he would rather be here

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 3:59pm

Don't even go there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 4:56pm

Whenever I need a reminder the MM Code Book is it....Of course now I enjoy a good laugh when I read it and not beat myself up too bad about it. :)


His words are that words! In no way can he back them up to you but they sound so sweet and convincing, don't they?!?! Hate how they do that. LOL Of course then I try to flipside it....if I will believe that without proof, what is wrong with me?! Makes ya think somedays.


You are right...they are words and mean nothing unless the actions follow which will not happen. If it did, wouldn't matter...wouldn't be the same for him them...no secrets, no escapades, that isn't fun. The whole fun is the forbidden.


Take care


Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 4:56pm
"His actions speal volumes." So true kmg6. Mine tells me-txts me-all the time how "awesome" I am. And what an awesome person I am. Well, if I'm so "awesome" why doesn't he call or think about me more often?? Why is he still with his screwed up psycho wife when his "awesome" person is right here??? No contact will be so easy in the coming weeks. It is my New Year's resolution. I'm so sick of groveling-I make myself sick. I am done asking him to call me, to text me..come see me!! Can it get anymore pathetic??? Sorry, I am so venting right now..had a horrible weekend. But your words about actions struck a nerve and wanted to say how right you are!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 5:08pm
Words mean nothing.....that was what I used to say to my xMM all of the time. He said the nicest stuff to me. My therapist used to say to me "So-sad when xMM says those things to you that must be so intoxicating"...yes it was. But all they were, were words. My xMM would tell me that he just cannot back up those words "right now" but he meant all that he said....blah blah blah. His actions right now are speaking to me...he is not texting, emailing or calling....that is action. I am opening my eyes to reality...and my action of not doing anything either is hopefully resonating with him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 12:31am

Caribu hang in there.


Like another poster said, they are just words from his mouth.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 8:04am

Everyone replied in reference to xAP and "words are just words".

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 10:57am

Problem is that you are falling for the oldest line in the book. Comments such as your what your xmarried man said are what I would refer to as 'dangling the carrot' (NO!...not THAT carrot!:)


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 11:31am

I just needed to chime in here b/c today I'm having the Monday hangover (not a real hangover, but Monday's are a bad day normally for me....I posted about it yesterday).


Anyway, this thread has helped me feel better....thanks all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 11:55am

Yup I too got the "one day" line often. Even when we were out of the A for a long time but we still communicated the words "one day" were our buzz word to keep us connected. That was the word that meant ILY w/o saying it. Laughable now but I hung onto those words for dear life for a long time.


Right now his action of N/C and my action of N/C is what we both had to finally do. That was the only action that was the right thing to do, anything else is just wrong since we are both still married. That is what I remind myself of daily if I start to feel sad....it smacks me back into reality and reminds me that xMM is not worth blowing up my entire world for.


If my H ever checked my phone records I would be so screwed and all for what , a text that said all of "hi" once a week. My H would never believe that one , nor should he. So, I've learned and I only hope that I can move on peacefully w/o anyone getting hurt.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 12:39pm

Mickey


You seem strong today.


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