What's wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
What's wrong with me?
12
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:44pm

5 weeks tomorrow.. And I think I'm just stuck. I'm still wrestling with not thinking about him and trying not to wonder about him. My heart still hurts and while the tears are way less I still fight them back once a day until my throat burns. I know I did the right thing but I still miss it/him. I make plans everyday with a friend, I read here, I text and call my H more often, we have lunch, I play tennis, I work on my clients project, planning a dinner party for next Weekend... but still...

What am I doing wrong? Am I just a slow learner?

C

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:55pm

okay let's re-visit what you've accomplished in just 5 weeks:

- While still wrestling with not thinking about him and trying not to wonder about him, you've learned to NOT act on those feelings. You are managing the emotions, letting them come and wash over you, without drowning you. That's progress!

- While your heart still hurts, the tears are way less and you are able to fight them back once a day until your throat burns. So, while it hurts, this is hurt that heals. Push through.

- You know that you did right thing, and you reconize that you are still early in the ending process, so it is normal to still think that you miss it/him.

- Instead of giving in/up, youI make plans everyday with a friend, you read here, you text and call your H more often, you have lunch, you play tennis, you work on your clients project, planning a dinner party for nexts eeekrnd.

uuuuhhhmm, sorry but I fail to see anything wrong with you!!!

You're (doing amazing).

Be patient & gentle & keep moving ahead.

((hugs))

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:03pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:13pm

Hi chechi,

I am only a new poster and I hope I can give you something that might help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:13pm
Ok TU if you put it that way... Lol! I guess not waffling is a good thing. I am trying very hard to make different connections...mostly reconnecting with people and activities I let drop because I wasn't me anymore. I spent a lot of time alone. But now I'm so busy I'm TIRED!! I'm kidding... I just thought I'd be way further along by now. I haven't felt this weepy since high school which was a long time ago!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:18pm
Thank renew-- I know you're hurting too. I'm hanging tough with you! Send that fairy god mother over asap! I could use a makeover!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:20pm
Thanks Jen! I've read that trick. I should try it. My wrist would be black and blue. :)
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:41pm
Hey Chechi, Hang in there. After the emotional roller coaster ride that I was not at all prepared to take tonight, I made it through and with more clarity than ever. And more sadness, too...damn. I am so weepy, too, I went grocery shopping with H tonight and when we got home I was so emotionally spent that I started to cry, and I know the real reason behind my weeping, but H thought I was just so overtired from running my 5K race yesterday (and I am extremely sore from that, too!) that he told me he would clean up the kitchen and I should go and get some sleep. I love that man. :) It also doesn't help when my H is so amazingly kind and loving to me and I know what I have done with having been part of a toxic and destructive A, and sometimes that is just so overwhelmingly sad for me, too. I am going to try and get some good sleep tonight, and you do the same, Chechi. Tomorrow is a new day, full of new hope and yet another day of NC!!!!!! We will get through it, through the tears comes the healing that we long for and need desperately. Love and hugs, Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:55pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 6:36am

To: All (I miss this option),

Renewal used a good word. "Funk." I remember being in it for several months, and no one likes feeling this way. There is nothing wrong with any of you. You are going through the grieving process right now while trying to appear normal to those around you. It's a very tough role to play and it can leave us feeling exhausted. I am hoping you were able to get some rest last night. Ironically, sleep was the only thing I had no trouble with but it's also a form of escape, and I was doing way too much of it. A good night's rest produces the hormones Melatonin and HDH, which are strong antioxidants that boost our immune systems. This is why we always feel better in the morning after a previously stressful day. (As long as we slept well). If you tossed and turned all night, well, you are in for another rough day. So I would suggest taking a little something (over the counter sleep aids work great) so you can get those bodies/minds of yours rested and up to par. :smileywink:

Chechi, you are doing all the right things, honey. It's only been 5 weeks. Cut yourself some slack. Your "new" normal will take several months to kick in and even then there are going to be up and down days. By then though, you will know how to handle them better.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 7:47am

Chechi-- you and I started this journey at the same time and we are plodding along at the same rate.

Im with you in the funk!

Iggyx

You are what you consistently do

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